Professional Rapper (2015)

• Meet The Burds (Interlude)
• Professional Rapper
• Who Knew
• Lemme Freak
• Lemme Freak For Real Tho (Outro)
• White Crime
• Molly
• Bruh...
• Hannibal Interlude
• $Ave Dat Money
• Oh Well
• Personality
• Pillow Talking
• Parental Advisory (Interlude)
• Classic Male Pregame
• The Antagonist
• The Antagonist II
• Parents Still Don't Understand (Interlude)
• Work (Paid For That?)
• Truman

Meet The Burds (Interlude) lyrics - Lil Dicky

[Phone ringing:]

“Hello?’

“Hi, any better out here?”

“Yeah, much better, yeah.”

“Buenos noches.”

"You’re back from Machu Pichu and you’re speaking Spanish?”

“It’s ‘buenas tardes’.”

“So how’s Dave Burd doing?"

“Ah, he’s alright, you know. Taking it one day at a time.”

“Um…”

"Well, wait, can we hear… say a little bit more about what that means?"

"Uh, yeah, I mean, I’m here in LA, I just moved here, obviously.”

"Wait, wait, wait, we’re still having trouble. Maybe you should try calling him back, Jean."

"He’s got bad reception where he is is the problem."

"Can you hear me?"

"Is that it?"

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes, now I can. Yep."

"Alright."

"No, now we can’t."

"Wait, Stewart, let him talk. Go ahead."

"What do you mean “You can’t”? Why can’t… You can’t hear me?"

"Yes. We can, go ahead."

"Did you see that commercial for Anchorman 2?"

"Which one? There’s plenty of commercials."

'Ok, Stewart, let him talk about what’s going on with him."

“Alright, go ahead."

Professional Rapper lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Snoop Dogg)

[Spoken:]

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my name's Dave Burd. I have an appointment today.

It's probably under 'Lil Dicky,' actually. I'm a... I'm a rapper, so..."

"Ok, and who are you here to see?"

"Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here "Snoop D-o-g-g"

"Oh, yeah. He's right down the hall. First door to your right. Give him a knock and he should be right with you"

"Thanks. It's uh, this door right here, right?"

"Mm-hmm"

"Thank you"

[Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg:]

Grab a seat

Thanks I'm Dave very nice to meet

Dave, what it do? You can call me Dogg

Let me just check your sheet

No problem, sir, let me just say

I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make

I can't lie, I been thinking about this all day

All good, there's a reason that we called, Dave

Let me start with your background

Where you come from?

Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond

Before that

Oh, you talking bout my hometown?

Yeah

I was born out of Philly grew up in a little silly old town called Cheltenham

It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around

So real shit you ain't never had to struggle for much

I wouldn't say it like that, we just had a different kind of trap

Elaborate

Well I ain't never had a tool, but I had to be the man at school

Like I was doing shit I had to do so when I finished undergrad, I'm cool and I can get whatever job I wanted

But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumping

Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that be coming when you grow up like that

When you been racing them rats, you ain't been making them raps

Boo hoo what a hardship

How you paid to get the rap shit started?

Man, my Bar Mitzvah money

But don't diss me buddy, I wasn't one of them younguns up on the block who had nothing to lose

I must've wanted this a lot, I had something to choose

Look at that, I can say there's something to prove up in your ass

Yeah, I guess

That's enough of the past, what makes you want to do rap?

Oh my God, it's the best

Bitches let me draw up on their breasts

Literally I can reinvent myself

I get a forum to project myself

It's never boring, every morning I wake up and try to best myself

I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself

It's kinda healthy

Cool, now let me put you through a couple hypotheticals

Sure

In a club and a couple niggas threaten you

Uh, I wouldn't do shit

And I don't even get what that got to do with this?

Shut the fuck up, rap's like life

If you wanna do this, then you won't get far acting like a little bitch

Nah, that's my niche

Don't get offended by this, but that's the market y'all missed

That's the target I'll hit

And that's the heart of my pitch

I wanna do this whole thing different

What the fuck you mean you wanna do the whole thing different?

Uh, you know, I-I think, like, you know

Traditionally people have been doing the job the same kind of way for a long time

But traditionally speaking, this shit works, right?

Nah, like, I get that, but I-I just think that, you know

You don't know if it could be working even better

And I think you should look at me as an opportunity to find that out

I don't mean any disrespect by that

I'm just saying I have a different background

Like a different perspective way of looking at things than your typical applicant

[Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg:]

So what are your biggest strengths?

Well my flow is crazy, I can switch that amazing

For example, I can be like ain't nobody fucking with Lil Dicky

When he get up on that shit and spit it sick and ridiculous

Ripping this shit like it's never been did and the rhythm is never predictable

Cause I can switch it, deliver this shit in whatever cadence you bitches prefer

Alright, alright, I get it

Top of that, lyrically I'm pretty damn clever (Go)

Got a long bottom bitch, call the hoe Neville (Whoa)

And I blow it from the jump, Derrick Rose knee (Oh)

You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better

And y'all been winning like Pistorius, there's no feet

Bro, I can go on and on

I'm taking over and they mad like father in laws

OK enough of the punchline, that ain't showing me you different from the other guys

Well I don't know if they can run it like that

But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap

What's that?

Well I can tell a story about my morning

Watching Boy meets World and jerking off to Topanga Lawrence

Like the 14 year old Topanga

Oh this shit like a joke to you?

I don't get it

Nah it ain't like that I just happen to be a nutty abundantly funny type of individual

Like it's a guy

So when I get up on the mic I ain't finna just lie

Real recognize real, right?

Yeah, I guess

So what you trying to do?

Five years from now, tell me bout the dude

Well, I don't care about the money

Like, it's the respect that I'm wanting

Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats

Where they gotta bring your boy up every debate

I don't wanna leave the game the same

In a nutshell, what's your legacy?

Well, I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand up rap

With the random rap and the man like that for the people that was anti-rap

Yet, the fans of rap start to recognize that anti-rap

Is ironically one of the real brands of rap left

That shit sound pretty damn complex

I guess, I wanna be the best

I just wanna do it my way

And turn the whole game sideways

And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway

You can make a path while these motherfuckers drive straight

I ain't mad at that

Well thanks, man, that's my plan of my attack

Just let me in and I'm a rap the plaques

And I ain't about to win them back to back

I'm bout to win them like it's back to back to back to back to back

Til I stop rapping

You ain't even sold a damn album yet

True

That's a lot of talk from a wiley vet

Let alone a young rook nigga

You misread me

Nah this ain't a book nigga

Well that's one of my flaws, I'm too competitive dawg

No, you just fucking repetitive dawg

I get it, you trying to be better than all

But you ain't shit until cheddars involved

I get that I gotta prove myself

No shit you ain't done shit

But think about that though

Only doing this a couple of years

One tape and I'm like this?

This shit is aight for your first shit

But you don't know if it's your worst shit

You don't think finding out would be worth it?

It might be, it might not

But I'm a put your ass to work, kid

Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?

Well one more thing, let me see if you could put a hook together

What would you do for the hook for this song?

You want me to make a hook up right now?

Do I look like the type of nigga that like repeating himself?

Alright, uh, okay

Man do the hook

I'm bout to be professional

Homie, I'm professional

Uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?

Nigga, that shit is garbage man

Well, you know, I feel like there might have been some upside to it

But I'm not good at thinking of things on the spot like that

Don't y'all normally like outsource for that kind of thing sometimes?

Sometimes, but you know, that was some next level Dogg shit right there

Yeah, you know, I'm just way better when I get to think things through

Have my like that dual screen action that type of thing

Whatever man, you trying to smoke a blunt?

Right now?

Yeah

Sure

[Lil Dicky, Snoop Dogg & (Juanita):]

Dope. Juanita, bring some weed in here, please. Thank you

(You got it, Snoop. I'll be right there.)

Thanks, Juanita. Super nice woman

Nigga, why does everything you say sound so soft?

Uh, I really don't wanna be spoken to like that, so

Whatever. Thanks

(Hey, I got y'all y'all weed.)

Damn, that's some great looking weed. It's just so early

(Can I get you guys anything else while I'm here? Coffee? Tea? Head? Bottled water?)

D-Did you just say head?

(Yeah. You ain't never got no head before?)

I mean... Just feels like... A lot, right now

(Ok.)

But what kind of tea do you guys have?

(We got mint, raspberry, earl grey, english breakfast...)

Actually, I'll take head

(I knew your little dirty ass wanted some head.)

Who Knew lyrics - Lil Dicky

LD

A.k.a the Time Traveler's Wife

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]

I like to play it cool like I'm not that

On the low, who'd assume that I got that

I don't know, but the dude with the tall frappe

Looking all aloof being all that

Even Babe Ruth wouldn't call that

I don't even sweat it though

They been hesitant as if my credit low

And shit'll hit them quicker than an edible

I'm 'bout to run for Senate ho, you ain't even centerfold

Been on top of cheese, I ain't talking 'bout oregano

I'm talking 'bout your cheddar homie, revel in that

I'll hit a college and I'm fucked, like I'm pledging a frat

They 'bout to silhouette my nuts on American flags

Estoy contento, muy estupendo

Better hearse word to rent-a-car, Dicky Tony K

Y'all the Le Batard speaking to you lames, that's a seminar

I'm straight like a pleasant bar, ain't nobody ready for my repertoire

I wasn't getting credit like a debit card

But never mind, had to give them time to adapt

I'm kind of like a rap rendition of a fry in a wrap

Just try it as that

You rappers Rebel Wilson's vagina, you stank!

I take it back, I don't know that ho

And bro they used to

[Hook:]

Look around the boy, wouldn't raised they head

Now they looking at the boy like the main event

He don't even got a rap sheet, looking like a mathlete

How the fuck is he the one that come in with the crack

We like "Who knew, who knew?"

Used to look at me like "who you, who you?"

Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"

Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?

Now they look at me like

I am hip-hop Heisenberg

Young boy got dough for a quiet nerd

I am rap game Walter White

You might get killed thinking that he all polite

[Verse 2 - Lil Dicky:]

Buzz around the city, coming out of Philly

I'm about to get a milli, being me that's word to milli

I'm looking super silly, but cooking like at Chili's

You look at me like "Really?" but I look at you like "Who that?"

Oh you new here, I'm the bomb

Ok I'm Lebron, ok I'm the one

Ok all that shit confusing that's a quandry

What you call a pussy with a movement, that's a Ghandi

I'm tryna get better but science preventing

Because I'm undeniably clever, the highest of levels

I'm high in a sweater but rhyming like I'm lying in pepper

Don't mind the endeavor, I bet I do better than veterans

Cheddaring, let him on Letterman

Get him on L and I'm on, boy

I think I need a therapist the way I get in my dome

Doing D like they was Syracuse, when they up in they zone

Used to load it on chrome, now I really ball

Living like a fucking letter man, never mailing the song

Though the dime flow rubbing combos in Tom's shoes

With blonde hoes getting Peyton like the Broncos

I'm on ho, vanilla looking but the rest of y'all the John Does

It's pretty odd bro, cause they used to

[Hook:]

Look around the boy, wouldn't raised they head

Now they looking at the boy like the main event

He don't even got a rap sheet, looking like a mathlete

How the fuck is he the one that come in with the crack

We like "Who knew, who knew?"

Used to look at me like "who you, who you?"

Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"

Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?

Now they look at me like

I am hip-hop Heisenberg

Young boy got dough for a quiet nerd

I am rap game Walter White

You might get killed thinking that he all polite

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

("Who knew, who knew?"

Used to look at me like "Who you, who you? ")

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

(Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"

Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?)

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

Lemme Freak lyrics - Lil Dicky

Drunk, faded, browned out, looking all shady

Two months since I fucked a lady, young man dick going crazy

Standard Saturday, I'm about to get a cab and masturbate

Then I see a hot girl, look back at Dave

Lemme get your cat girl, no Hathaway

That's what I thought not what I said to her

Instead I walk up to her, like "I know you heard of the kid

You heard what I did, you heard of my shit, the murderous spit."

She's like, "Naw, you're being weird, what are you talking about?"

I'm like, "Aw..."

Pulling out my phone, like a boss, YouTube 'bout to get her off

But as I type the y-o-u, some porno pop up

I'm like, "Hold up, how did, that's not even me

Like, I don't jerk off mobily..."

Then her friends coming up

And wanna know if everything is okay

I'm like, "Naw, this a rape, you can't tell?

Gimme a break, please. Get the heck away."

I turned to her, "Let me buy you a drink," she like, "Fine."

Told the man, "Two Patron," she like, "Lime."

Said he tried twice, the card got declined

I'm like, "All ri-, is this a, could it be a machine issue?

He was like, "Naw,"

I was like, "Obviously there's something wrong

I got dough, like I'm not broke...

I got donuts with the same card like about an hour ago."

He like, "Dude, I don't know."

Now I'm looking at the girl she just wanna go

And I ain't talking 'bout with me, bro, I mean alone

I got one more chance to prove myself, so I'm like

"Look, I'm athletic, girl, I've gotten several Rec League MVP's

At my crib I've got some pizza, plus a little bit of weed

In my room I've got a TV, plus I recently did sheets

Girl, I even have a fridge that has the water on the door

Like with the crushed ice"

You know I don't give a damn what your plan right now

This is me coming at you as a man right now

Lemme freak, lemme freak, God dammit, lemme freak

Just lemme freak, please God, just lemme freak

The girl from the first verse, somehow let me fuck

Fast forward, seven months, we in love

Some real serious relationship type shit

Despite this, I ain't fucked for days

Tried last night, but was pushed away

But I've been acting well behaved today, I smell okay

Adele Pandora's playing, now she laying

On the floor and I'm praying this bitch is horny

I go and give her a smooch

She kissing Dicky back, so I play with her boobs

Bad move, she don't like that

Bad mood, her boss being mean to her

Via email, she wanna write back

I'm like, "Right now?"

She like, "Yeah, what do I say, can you just help me?"

"Oh, okay, what's the context?"

Then she like, "Well, he talks to Jane before coming to me."

"Who's Jane again?" I said, she like, "Wow, you should know that..."

"Okay, I guess I forgot," she like, "Dude, that's my other boss."

"Okay, true, so shouldn't your first boss

Go to the other boss, before you? Right?"

"But Jane isn't hands on!" she yelled

"Okay, well I just don't understand the dynamic then

I don't work with these people." She started crying

"Wait stop, what the fuck is this?"

"Naw, you don't ever take my side."

About an hour later til' I'm on her good side

We in bed, hands on her good thighs

I try to kiss, she like, "Good night" but I'm like

"Look, I just turned off The Departed for a movie 'bout a bee

I've been cutting back on farting, tweeting, arguing and weed

Yesterday I wore a cardigan at dinner with your sweet

And supportive aunt during the fourth quarter, of the Eagles

Now reward it.."

You know I don't give a damn what your plan right now

This is me coming at you as a man right now

Lemme freak, lemme freak, God dammit, lemme freak

Just lemme freak, please God, just lemme freak

Fast forward some more, June sixteenth, twenty seventy four

Old LD looking old as fuck, still with the same ho, holding up

But my life sucks, legs hurt, friends dead, real terse

My dick looking like it's tinfoil

Her tits looking like they hard boiled eggs

On top of that, she insane

Like, I don't even think she knows who I am

Our kids moved away, we've been doing the same shit for days

Maybe months, who knows, probably going to die soon

Pretty scared, I ain't even gonna lie to you

Think about it all day, on my last legs

But I'm going out with a bang

I got pills they invented back in fifty seven

I took five, that's a bit excessive

I look high, take a look at my thighs

And good god that's a little erection, it'll work though

Now I've gotta find the ho, I'm pretty much blind at this point

I don't know if I mentioned that yet, but I am

Made my way into the bedroom and there she is, I'm like

"Look, I don't know if you're aware that

You've been throwing out my shoes

What I do know is, I'm sick of doing nothing here with you

All my blood is in my dick, I'm probably dying pretty soon

Are you even comprehending what I'm saying

Please acknowledge that you hear me..."

You know I don't give a damn what your plan right now

This is me coming at you as a man right now

Lemme freak, lemme freak, God dammit, lemme freak

Just lemme freak, please God, just lemme freak

White Crime lyrics - Lil Dicky

Lot of rappers talking that shit, not enough doing that shit

Y’know I’m sayin’? Yeah

[Verse 1:]

People acting like I ain’t a fucking criminal

Like I ain’t never doing dirt though

Probably cause the way I’m doing shit is clinical

But I’ve been putting in some work, breh

I see you looking at me cynical, stop looking at me

I ain’t fucking with your smirk ho

We’ve been doing shit, despicable

But we just keep it on a low, for example

Walk in to the movie with my pants full

Twix, bag of chips, plus a Snapple

Stealing all the shampoos, from the hotel’s pretty bathrooms

Cheating, I’ve been peekin’ in the classroom

Looking like a nice guy, ‘til I take your motherfucking Wi-Fi

And torrent every single song in my library

Then I drive by very fucking high by everybody

While my lady licking my five inch dick

[Hook:]

White crime

White crime

Yeah, we ‘bout that

Do a lot of dirt, never doubt that

Lot of rap twerps, let it shout crap

Let it make their mouth flat

When it come to burd, no, we spout facts

You 'gon learn what I’m 'bout, breh

[Verse 2:]

Doing business at the airport

Ask security, I ain’t fraught

Lot of shit up in my JanSport

Six ounce of the face wash (the limit three)

My duffle bigger than what can board

My shuffle on during take-off

Will I help in an emergency? Yeah, sure

Exit row, fingers straight crossed

Thinking Dave’s soft

But I know you see me J-walking

Piss in public, no caution

Halloween bucket? Take one, fuck you thinkin’ Dave was

Give me all your motherfucking chocolate, ho

At the stop sign, never fully stopping though

Filling water cups up, with a lot of coke

Egging homes, motherfucker, a lot of yolk

Not alone up in this motherfucker, a lot of folks, been doing…

[Hook]

[Verse 3:]

Even though the speeding limit sixty five

I’m doing seventy five without a seat belt on

And I’ve been texting, driving reckless

I was seventeen when I first tried a Guiness on the tennis team

We used to haze a lot of freshmen

Lil Dicky put a hoop up in the street

Without obtaining permission

From the city, and every Christmas day

I’m going to cinemas with single tickets to single flicks

But go to additional pictures, sorry, but your boy is malicious

And back when I was eighteen, statutory raping

This little ho, even though we was dating

And if I am taking public transportation

On the quiet train I might have a conversation

Fuck it I’m the man

Puitting trash up in some other people’s cans though

At the work fridge, stealing can coke

And up at the holiday party, I’m grinding colleagues on the dance floor

Dick been rubbing against their assholes, say it’s not…

[Hook]

Molly lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic at the Disco)

[Spoken:]

Yeah. Man, this is the softest thing I ever did.

But... it's about something that's pretty important to me...

And that's you

And that's true

I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,

But I do

What do I do when the rap-life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like,

Being broke up even though we had life.

Fuck it, I don't even know what I could have done

Looking back thinking, "That's what I should've done."

Wanted you back

But when the fact is I always put you second to rap

I'm not mad that you wouldn't come.

And even though I had to move, I ain't move on

Really wish you was a boo I could prove wrong.

But she knows what I'mma do with the new songs

And she know them pretty soon when your dude on

Running the rap game, with that lane.

Always got to be up on that train, or that plane

Ain't nobody wanna feel that pain, or that strain

Wishing I ain't gotta get that fame

Or I'd claim you, know I'd give you my last name.

But that blame on me

Chasing something, feeling dumb 'cause you all I need.

Hope you wait until I'm done and I'm all free,

But you know I'm never knowing when that's gonna be

And I'm sorry.

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow,

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

And that's you

And that's true

I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,

But I do

What do I do when the rap-life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like,

Being broke up even though we had life.

When I'm being dumb and stupid

Who the fuck is gonna hit me with the motherfucking jerk face?

Who's gonna let me know to hit my mother on her birthday?

Who's gonna let me know when I be shopping if a shirt's gay?

And when I'm on the road I be missing that.

Always looking at my phone, you would give me crap.

Ever since I've been alone I've been thinking back

Listening to you auto-tune in my mic phone making us laugh.

You know the past was a blast but it never could last.

Pretty sad when your love got a separate path

Used to read when there's nothing to do

But it's funny

Doing nothing's never nothing when it's something with you.

You know I wanna still talk, even text and call

Whenever something going on I be pressing "Moll"

Up in the phone til I press the X

Stressed the next one'll best the ex,

And you'll forget, but it's best.

You the best to me girl, always bake me something

And when they ripped off, you replaced my buttons.

But don't be pissed off if I hate your husband,

'cause even when I can't say, "Love you,"

I love you

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow,

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

And that's you

And that's true

I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,

But I do

What do I do when the rap-life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like,

Being broke up even though we had life.

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow,

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

Bruh... lyrics - Lil Dicky

Bruh...

Bruh...

LD

Bruh

A.K.A. stem cells

Everybody know the cat like a dope meme

I got em' buzzing off the crack like a dope fiend

They saw em' come up with a Mac yeah I'm so Steve

Nowadays bitches tryna crack got 'em ODing

Like how them hoes want to get it with L

They know it's cold enough to charge like a letterman sale

If they gon' stand behind the bars I'm in federal jail

I'm going far like a general mail

On that note I got the fellas saying what up, the tape what up

The same mothafucker playing with his steak cut up

I'm great, shut up, the flowing no debate just us

I'm out of shape but I'm straight to fuck

Yeah you know I got a chicken in the condo

I was sick of getting off beat she a bongo

Now she playing with the hard D being Rondo

Drunk and go inside her all sweet like a Strongbow

How I'm'a do?

I got your ex coming next like a W do

I gotta flex, I'm the best, now I'm being direct

I'm unimpressed by these bitches that I see in the press

I'm kinda vexed by the trash like I'm cleaning a mess

Cus they as real when they rap as a Chias a pet

They old news stocks plummet! Men's leg hair they ain't cut it!

Forget about your era, Pat Summitt

Finesse writtens

I wanna get a hundred bitches and fuck with the spitting

Religious like a couple of post-marital Christians

I've been official, Dick Bevetta a living

You better dig it like you bitches got a mill in the ditch

I'm killing this shit I been kicking like a villainous ninja

My shit is gripping when I run it how the fuck I be slippin

I be intimate with them hoes, she never flummoxed

I take chick, pee and smash, I call it hummus

And I be funny with this shit, I'm just playing

But still nobody fucking with the kid I'm just saying

Ah! Got a chicken parm on the date it seem

But I don't even know the broad, she just grating the cheese

I don't even got a job I just blaze and free

But still they give a boy bands, 98 degrees

So come fuck with me

I got a couple hundred bitches doing drugs with me

And I got a couple dozen bitches tryna hug Dicky

And I got a couple bitches who be steady fucking me

Hey, that's a good ass life

Only thing I got left find a good ass wife

But yo I gotta hit these hoes first, don't tell Mom

But in a year I'm'a bend over Michelle Obama

Bruh you know I gotta do it while I'm hot

I'm tryna get blew in most states like Barack

I'm tryna show a boo the last name of the Rock

And put her on D till we O, J Watt

I never hit the scene when I do I'm high and wasted

I'm fucking with them jeans love them bitches high waisted

I run around your team, you a player but I'm Naismith

And I Command V, while you copy I just paste it, face it

Hotel got 'em puffing on the L, going harder than some hell

You ain't knew it

If everybody had to tell the truth and you had to pick a dude

Spitting better than your dude: can't do it

Telling me damn you got bitches, damn you got hoes

Damn you got money, but damn I got flow

Damn you got riches, damn you got clothes

Damn you got honeys but damn I got soul

Hold up. This shit I'm making's always tight it's like a yoga store

They all up in the other boat it's why I'm overboard

I'm taking time to do it right it's like a soda pour

Cus we ain't loving all you bitches like we spoken for

I been packing the band-wagon, the man cracking

The man packing the stands, had them clapping they hands

Tagging they ‘grams, Manhattan was ham

Slapping the fans, playing havin' the plan

Fans rapping the jams, sagging my pants

You see the type of shit I do on the track?

Hot shit like I poop in the jacket

Won't mack your bitch but yo I'm bout to come and mack your clique

Your whole friend group fucking with Dick (no hetero)

I yawn when I hear these motherfuckers on the radio

They ball all retarded Cuba Gooding up in Radio

I long for the moment I can say that's not debatable

I'm past that, I wonder who appreciate it like a Snapchat

Aflac, duck the dude, I'm going hard for the grind but I tuck this move

I made war with the rhymes, motherfuck your crew

These bitches going Adolf, tryna fuck this Jew

I'm too nice like a motherfucker that fell in love with a boo

Twice as in double as fuckable as he was

And dude tries to be subtle and get her cuddling

Venting her troubles and getting her truffles and ending up

Befuddled when she don't fuck him and someone tell him listen

You bugging she never fucking a pedestrian muggle like you

So why all the trouble but he rebuttal with

I think I just love her so I would shudder at the thought

Of being anything other than nice

(I’m that nice)

Heat bang like I caught a body/Port-A-Potty

It wasn't even deep dang shit is still a hobby

It's too bad bitches sleeping on me threesome

Cus now these bitches want to help but he don't need none

I'm all time like the Wall at the Bank

You've no shot like you drawing a blank

Honestly you probably couldn't hang man

I've been drawing a blank

Giving you lines while you sitting there and drawing a blank

So go in the rink, chilling like it's dough in the bank

And I’m flowing danker than a grower in Napa

Growing the stankest cannabis

Doing rap and pro-est smacking the hoe-est rappers

And showing the total package like my flaccid is growing fatter

Samoan cracker dapper rapper had to keep goin

Yeah that rap is a rap I know you rappers napping don't know it

There’s a dagger pita pappa-tapping on the window

It’s a real accurate metaphor of what you having in store

And I be snapping I mean I be splashing on the

Pane me your rain, fallin

Quicker than Aladdin for his dame

Are you better than me?

Bruh

Hannibal Interlude lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Hannibal Buress)

[Lil Dicky:]

And now a message from Hannibal Buress

Blaa, uh, sorry, sorry

And now a message from Hannibal Buress

[Hannibal Buress:]

Aye, mane, I'm fucking with this shit. It's good to listen to a professional rapper for once, but Lil Dicky is a horrible rap name. That's some weird shit; you got grown men having to call you Lil Dicky in the streets like "Aye, what's up Lil Dicky. Bars man, you be spittin' bars". That's real inconsiderate for you to make that your rap name and it's probably - Is that the worst rap name? I saw a dude named Hogman, The Intruder, no, I just made that up, but it's it's not the worst rap name I've heard at all, man

Here's some tips if you rappers wanna be more professional:

First of all, stop rappin' over your own vocals at your concert. Clear your goddamn instrumental and rap over it, I don't wanna hear you rappin' over your raps, muthafuckas. Also, stop have thirty five people on stage - who are these people?! Are you travelin' with these people or did you hire them locally? Did you pay for their travel? Get all of those muthafuckas off of the stage. It's confusing. I don't like it. You can't do that at other jobs. You can't be an accountant like "Hey I'm about to do your taxes, here's my thirty friends just standin' around doing nothing while I do your taxes"; fuck outta here

Also, stop talkin' 'bout the same shit. I don't think you have a fresh take on havin' money. I'm tired of hearing about it, I don't, I don't think it's interesting. These muthafuckas need to mix it up. I think I've heard every perspective on havin' money or I used to have money and I oh I got money, I didn't have money, I got more money than you'll ever get, I never thought I would get all this money, I had money now I'm getting more money. Stop getting soo many chains. You don't need that many chains - you only need one chain. Or if you're 2 Chainz, you can have two chains, but not more than that

$Ave Dat Money lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Fetty Wap & Rich Homie Quan)

[Intro:]

LD, AKA The Independent Variable

Trap God, and we servin' up the whole world

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]

Rap game got it all wrong

We ain't 'bout to go and spend money just to flex on them

We ain't really got it like y'all (Yeah, baby!)

I'm a type of motherfucker that'll check the check

Do the math, I ain't never gettin' robbed

Those margaritas not goin' on my card

I ain't 'bout to split a damn thing for convenience sake

I'm at the restaurant workin' that waitress

Hold up

You ain't heard of Lil Dave, Yung L, The Jew Biz Major?

Fuck you know about the world he was raised in?

I've been savin' money since a motherfucker thirteen

I wear the same pair of jeans everyday

Free sandwiches, homie, two stamps away

Book flight December but I leave in May

Drugs are generic but still work the same

I get logins for Netflix from my cousin Greg

Thanks Greg!

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 2 - Rich Homie Quan:]

All of my luggage is Louie V, I swear to God, nigga

All of my bitches be scared of me, I put that rod in 'em

All of them bitches actin' thoughtless, I disregard 'em

All of them bitches actin' holy, ain't got no God in 'em

I can teach a lil nigga somethin', like a preacher

I can take his ass church fresh as hell, no Easter

I can make his ass burp like a baby without no hiccup

I can...

[Interlude:]

Quan what's this have to do with saving money though?

You know a full verse would have been too expensive anyways

I think

[Verse 3 - Lil Dicky:]

I ain't parkin' that unless the meter green, homie

Hair cut several months in-between, homie

Hit the motherfuckin' lights when I leave, homie

Single ply TP ass bleed

Air B&B the mother fucker, least I'm never there

I'm not in Cali, why the fuck my company in Delaware?

Happy hour takin' out the chicken, I don't even care

That applies to both dating and wings

Peep matinees phone bill got the motherfuckin' fam on it

401k rollin' over bands on it

Coppin' sweaters in the summer with the sale on it

The fuck you rappers bragging bout? You overpay for it

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 4 - Lil Dicky:]

I ain't never hit a bar with a cover

Low thread count, hard with the covers

Free trial memberships though

I never join the shiz though

Fuck you think this is though?

Frequent flying like a motherfucking finch though

General Tso, half a dozen on the stick

Just so I can whet the appetite of dick

What you talkin' about?

My AC never doing nothing, blow fans

Walgreens card shoppin' all the off brands

Boy go hard when collecting, got Venmo

Save every motherfuckin' roach, tryna smoke

Check the clothes in my drawers, I ain't playin' around

It's LD, lil boy, Mr. Hand-me-down

Dirty drawers gettin' worn, can you blame me now?

You think I got $4.50 up in quarters on me well I fucking don't!

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Bridge - Fetty Wap:]

Every time these niggas tryna play

And lately I've been stackin' up crazy

Stackin' up all about the bands baby

800k underneath the bed baby

[Outro - Lil Dicky:]

If you at a restaurant and got an iced coffee

And the waiter been refillin' that without a word of caution

And you get your fuckin' bill and you can see 'em double chargin'

For the coffee and you told 'em there's a problem

Sing along like

Oh don't double charge for me for that

Don't double charge me, we like

Oh don't double charge for me for that

Don't do it to yourself

Cause I might just ask what the ice cube's worth

What the ice cube's worth

That's the only differentiator making this a non-free perk

And I might make work more difficult for you than it need be

So think about it take a minute let it breathe B

But think about it bruh you saw me get the burger with the bacon on the side

After looking at the price of the side of just bacon

And comparing it to the what the difference in the cheeseburger

Vs. the bacon cheeseburger was and making my decision

I would hate to be the waiter trying to tell me something different

I'm a get on Yelp in a minute and review

This piece of shit place like only a kyke know how

Unless you take the extra coffee off I might get loud unless you...

Oh, it was just an accident?

You didn't even mean that [snicker]

You didn't... that was... that's... I'm so embarrassed

Oh Well lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Jace of Two-9)

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well, I'm ignorant

But not to the fact that I'm ignorant, of course

I know that, I'm indifferent

I don't care to know what I don't

I don't care 'til I'm coming home

And my dad tell me some shit about when he my age, he was doing shit

Protesting about something that I forget currently

But that's not the point, the point is

To my pot, the boy is in the crowd devoid of giving a fuck

I would call his bluff but I've been thinking 'bout it

And shit, he ain't wrong, though

I don't vote but I think I did at prom, though

I don't know about a world if it's not home

I don't even know the first thing about what Obama do

I'm better off telling y'all what Lebron been doing

I don't even know what my mom been doing

I hit her up every Sunday

And we talk, but the call's going one way

In the dark, if it's not what I'm doing

Never been aware from the start, but I knew it

I don't even care how my tech work

If the shit work, put it there, turn it on, we can do it

Funny thing is I could look it all up today

Constructive way to buck behavior Dave hate

And placate the debate within my brain waves

But the shows I watch all start at 8 so

[Hook 1 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well

It's the season finale, so...

Oh well

I kind of have to watch live, people are gonna tweet about it

Oh well

But I'm aware of all this stuff, I'll figure it out

Oh well

[Verse 2 - Lil Dicky:]

I do care when my phone's dying

Like, when that shit's red and I can't text

And I can't check what my fans said

I get mad stressed

Laying in the bed but I can't rest

Till my gram checked, wish I cared less

Leave it at the crib, I'm a damn mess

I should stop for a day, wanna try that shit

Drifting away, I wanna ride that ship

Dinner on the table but I'm unable to be tasteful

Underneath, I'm a like that pic

Watching the show on a phone, filming Coachella on phones

Hoping I capture the moment so I could post it

Don't live in the moment, hoping I'm still in control

But I'm praying I'm not alone

All the fans say I'm great at talking to 'em

They don't even understand I am not the man

I just can't go a day with being alone

When I'm with friends, though, why the fuck am I still on my phone?

Wishing I could look this shit up on Chrome

Wishing I could take a second to stop and reflect it

But someone just texted me

[Hook 2 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well

It's actually like an important text

Oh well

I'm trying to solve, like, logistical issues

Oh well

It's time sensitive is what I'm trying to say

Oh well

[Verse 3 - Jace:]

I was gonna do a line, but I sneezed

I was gonna smoke, but I need weed

I just wanna roll up and then leave

But everyone keeps on talking to me

Like "How's Mike Will? You know Rae Sremm?

I like "No Type" but I really hate them"

Like I asked for your opinion when I barely even know what day it is

I'm passed through and through on loans and my rent

But I just bought new J's and shit

Going way fast on a one way road with the window down tryna wave at them

My mom says I should go back to classes

But I'm in the strip club and I'm clapping asses

And my bitch look like Jacqueline Onassis

But she lies a lot and can't kick the habit

I've tried to stop giving passes to those who front it cause that's living backwards

And they give two cents when I ain't even ask them

Treat them like exams and I need to pass them

I'm twitching dutches, I don't do the backwoods

But this gas station don't carry those

And I'm tryna smoke, man, how traffic

Here's a 20 and some change, man, you can have it like

No

[Hook 3 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well

Oh well

Oh well

Personality lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. T Pain)

We ain't ever been the mother

Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort

Just to show them that we better

Get the broads like that

It's how we do it!

Hey bitches

Uh, I know I can be a little bit much sometimes

But really I just do that shit for the fellas

You know, I rap for the fellas

But like, this is for y'all

I ain't even strong like that

So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect

Maybe you go for it

I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't never been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

Honestly I'm like a seven with my hair long

Maybe seven and a half facial hair strong

But I make these bitches laugh and I care for them

I'm the type of motherfucker pulling out the chair for them

I ain't ever been the g at the bar

That get them bitches hella wet just by seeing his arms

You know the boy about the leg work

I plant seeds, I'm a mexicano gardener

All I'm saying is I ain't playing the game with these bitches

I ain't mean to em, I prefer to show them everything that I can mean to them

Lil Dicky thrive with a friend of a friend and I never hesitate to tell them that I love Rent

I am not a stud I'm a boyfriend

I love love and I cuddle for enjoyment

My dick small but I'm telling you it's nothing by the time

That we fucking they so emotionally interested they really be cumming

Drinking champagne oh you trying to dance babe

We can hit the floor I'm bout to show you how to man shake

We can make a handshake

Keep you safe and walk you to your damn place

Then I got you bouncing on my rubber like a trampoline

What you doing tomorrow? I'm with it

I'm a take you to the zoo and be cordialant witty

I'm a tell you hella stories and be mindful

Bet you get a little horny like the infant rhinos

I ain't even strong like that

So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect

Maybe you go for it

I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't never been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't never been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been the mother

Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort

Just to show them that we better

Get the broads like that

It's how we do it!

When I get your gchat, that's a wrap hoe

Smoke weed, eat the pussy like a snack hoe

Bake lays, you on top like a wrap though

Bet you think I'm nice in person I ain't talking rap shows

I ain't gonna pick you up at the club

But if I get bout an hour with you, bet you in love

I'll ask questions

Oh you did your hair? Little Dicky pay attention

Oh you getting scared? What's the root of all this tension

You know I'd be a hell of a date and if you torn I will split the entrees that you crave

And when you bored I can send you Snapchats for days

And make them personally for you like they all will be based around the inside jokes we develop in time

And if you tired won't initiate the sex it's fine

I can talk you on the phone when you driving alone

And make you feel comfortable enough to take me to mom

And that bitch goin' love it

She goin' tell your ass you legit yo a hubby

She goin' tell your ass need to quit your clubbing and go get that youngun

While I'm sitting with your dad being slick straight grubbing

I can take you out to brunch call me hollandaise

Know exactly what you want every holiday

I can text you like a motherfucker

Wordy and impressive 57 on the Ketchup

Hit you when you coming through

I ain't even strong like that

So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect

Maybe you go for it

I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't ever been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been the mother

Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort

Just to show them that we better

Get the broads like that

It's how we do it!

Lil Dicky...

T-Pain... We goin' get them hoes one day man

We goin' places

Like... together?

Not on a date, but we're goin' places (oh OK)

For instance, I saw this nice looking young lady that I was attracted to sexually in the grocery part of Target.

And I wanted to put my penis in her vagina, but I didn't tell her. And that, my friends, is the definition of a motherfucking gentleman!

Pillow Talking lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Brain)

[Lil Dicky:]

Ey, ey

Damn

L tapped twice on some ass like grams

I just fucked

Now what I'm doing?

I'm just pillow talking with a bitch, ayy

I'm just pillow talking with a bitch, ayy (Do you fuck with the war?)

I just finished spazzing on a bitch, ayy

Now I'm pillow talking with a bitch

[Lil Dicky (The Girl) {Brain}:]

I'm like "Girl, that was great, talk about a connection

Am I alone in my praise, do you share my assessment?"

She like "Yeah, that was nice, I enjoyed myself"

"Great, yeah"

She like "Can you reach that shelf for my phone?

I'll take care the alarm"

I'm like "Oh, for the morning, like to sleep?"

She like "Yeah, we just had sex

What did you think?

I was just gonna fuck you and leave?"

"No, I... I hadn't thought that far ahead

But of course, can I get you a T-Shi-"

("Oh, can you not tickle my hair?

It's just a personal thing, it's not you")

"Okay, sorry for doing it"

(No, no, it's just a personal thing, it's not you)

"Okay cool, yeah

Uhhh, so you're from Minnesota?

Only thing I know is that it's colder

Break it down, how's it compare

To living in LA?"

("Well, I can't compare them they're so different

Y'know what I'm sayin?")

"Yeah, for sure"

She like "Apples to oranges"

"Yeah, well you can still compare them but I hear ya

What's the deal with your family? Got any siblings?"

She like ("I have a brother"), I'm like "Oh, what he do?"

She like ("He in the Army")

"Oh, true

Uhh, do you fuck with the war?"

She like ("Huh, what did you just say?")

"Huh, like just now?"

("Yeah... ")

"Do you fuck with the war?"

("No, I don't fuck with the war")

I'm like "No, I don't fuck with the war

Just don't know how to react to the forces

I should have just thanked you of course-"

("Uh, why would you thank me? ")

"Uh... I guess I assumed it would extend to the families but okay

While we on the topic

I been actually thinking about some shit

About the Army and Navy

What if tomorrow is the day

That the fucking aliens came

And invaded our nation?

Like, would we even be able to fuck with their shit?

Like do we got the type of weaponry to fuck with their ships?

Or not at all, like would they just walk up in this motherfucker

Laughin' at us, and blastin' at us

And makin' everybody disintegrate and assimilate

Without a hint of intimidation?

Or could we do some shit to be making they heart race?

Granted I don't know the alien heart, but

You get what the fuck I'm sayin?

Like what the fuck would it be like?

Would they be like Earth go hard?

Or is it just another conquest?

Or would they be like damn earth go hard

They was harder than Simian

You ever talk to your brother about this uh type of stuff?"

Then she like "No"

I'm like "Well, what you think?"

She like "I don't concern myself with hypotheticals that couldn't be"

I'm like "Girl, what you mean?"

She like ("I don't believe")

"In the war?"

("In aliens")

"Oh... hold up

Hold up, wait

Girl what you sayin?

That all of the life in the universe happens to be where you stand?"

("I guess")

"What an enormous coincidence that shit would be

Do you see what I'm sayin'?"

("I can't hear what you're sayin'")

"Well, the universe always expanding

There are infinite galaxies

Why would we be the anomaly?"

She like ("That's no coincidence

I call that shit God")

I'm like "Oh, you're religious, bitch

You think it's all God?"

("No, I know it's all God")

"No, I know that there might be a God

First off, nobody knows there's a God

Girl, I think we should drop this"

("No, what's goin' on in your brain right now?")

{(Brain) Ayy, brain on some other shit though

I been all up in the club for the year, hey (Brain)

I been killing shit, don't mind me

I'm just top flight, I could sure use a Sprite, I'm thirsty as fuck

Who getting money? That's brain. Who make decisions? That's brain

Who make the hits? That's been brain

Who run the whole operation?

That be brain-}

Brain, can you just get back to the issue here

{Uh, can you just remind the brain?}

You're such an idiot, we're talking about God and if he exists

{Don't call brain names

The brain couldn't recall

But if I'm not mistaken this bitch to my left

Guaranteed there's a God}

("I believe in a God, yes")

{So God never wrong

God never wrong, right?}

("Yeah, that's like the whole point")

"Brain just get there, please"

{Hold up

So God made the earth

And God was like hold up, this shit is boring

It need more shit

God was like I'ma put dinosaurs on that bitch

Dinosaurs on that bitch

Then he like why I put dinosaurs on that shit?}

("What is your brain even saying?

Can he get to the point?")

"Hold up brain you just did it

God ain't wrong, what the fuck was he thinking"

("About what? ")

"Bitch, the dinosaurs

He made the Earth for them

But then he like nah?

Dinosaurs are just blah?"

("What's your point?")

"I'ma cook up some blondes?

Like he was way off

I don't look like a dinosaur

Hoe them things thirty-five-feet

I'm like five-foot-eleven" (Up on Tinder I'm six-foot)

"Seen that Bronchiosaurus

That thing fuckin' neck go to heaven

And that's just an expression bitch

There ain't no heaven"

("Ha, funny")

"I'm just messin' but if he ain't wrong

I guess this the exception"

("Can I talk now?")

"Go ahead"

("Look"

Everything in life has purpose

You, chickens, a midget at a circus")

"What?"

("I don't interpret"

She like "That's not for me to determine"

"So dinosaurs purpose was to just die?"

"That's not for me to determine")

"But... ok"

("I'm just a person")

"Okay, but think of the root of the argument girl

View how we started this girl, like you don't believe in the aliens

You confine God to earth girl, I find that shit salient"

("I just don't presume to know the plan")

"Bitch, me neither but that's not what I've been saying"

("But what are you saying?")

"Why can't God fuck with aliens?

Why can't Earth just be like a fucking small side project for this guy?"

("Ok, look we just don't see eye to eye")

"Yeah but logically like you don't believe in your side"

("Yeah but you're like bringing up fucking dinosaurs

Like we could have shared the earth with them nobody knows")

"Yeah, there is hard soil evidence girl

Like what's next you don't fuck with Pangaea?"

She like ("Let's change the subject")

"Ok..."

{This bitch don't know about Pangaea, uhm...}

Brain leave it alone

"I'm starving, are you hungry by chance?"

("Oh, my God, I'm so hungry")

"Yes, do you wanna get a pizza?"

"Fuck yeah". "Fuck yeah, I'm on it

Also I'm sorry about that whole interrogation thing"

("Come on dude I'm a grown up

I'm capable of having intelligent conversations")

"Okay, I just... fuck it

Okay back to this pizza I lean pepperoni"

("Ugh")

"Sausage?"

("How can you eat that shit?")

"No, no, no, this not Dominoes

This legit, is high quality meat and shit"

("No, no, I'm vegetarian")

"Oh right, well we can get half pepperoni

And half of whatever you like"

("Uh, ew, I can't have that shit

In the same box")

"Seriously? You're that against meat?"

("No, I'm that against us being gluttonous

Thinking that animals live on this earth to get eaten")

"Okay, is it how we treat them?"

("Uh, that sure doesn't help")

"Ok..."

She like ("I'm not opposed to us hunting

But now we not trackin' them down

We just breed them to eat

That's disgusting

You should honestly read on the subject")

"Alright, hold up

Just because we're not running around with a bow and arrow

Doesn't mean we're not hunting these chickens

We just set the place to do our hunting intelligently enough

To manipulate these animals and get them to do exactly what we want"

("That's my point we just incubate animals

Instead of just letting them live how they come")

"But, that's just your God at work, bitch

Why we go hard on earth

What you think would happen right now

If you left my place

And there were like three wolves waiting for you"

"Wolves?"

"Bitch, they would tear your ass up

Viciously

Like they would eat your titties" (And your pussy)

"That's what they do" (And your face and shit)

"Humans are smarter bitch

That's what we do"

She like ("Apples to oranges")

"Bitch, that phrase don't make no sense

Why can't fruit be compared?"

She like ("I'm gonna leave")

"There's just all of these conflicting principles"

("Right, enjoy your pepperoni pizza")

"I will, that's my God-given right"

She like ("Where is my bag?")

"Oh, that leather one next to the trash?

That's the one right? Made out of cow, I think?"

("Ugh why are there no Ubers in this area?")

"So you don't eat the meat, you just be wearing the shit"

("I'm not listening dude")

"That's barbaric as shit

Do you come from the vikings?"

("Why are you even still talking?")

"Do you take peoples land?"

("I'm not listening dude")

"Do you fuck with the war?"

("How are there no Ubers anywhere?")

"Just download Lyft, they are bigger in presence out here"

("I don't wanna add shit to my phone")

"Okay, the choices are clear, hoe

Ubers are not around here at all

Taxis will come but they real slow"

{And the brain gotta poop

T minus five till the brain gotta shit}

("I just downloaded Lyft, but it's being so glitch")

"Uh, look do you just want to sleep here?"

("Uh, no thanks")

"It's past 2 am"

("I'm not sharing a bed with you")

"You can sleep in my bed, I'll just sleep on the floor"

("Fine, you're sure?")

"Yeah, it's cool

I won't throw you out to the wolves"

"Oh, my God, you are so annoying"

"I couldn't help myself

But can you at least throw me a pillow?"

[Lil Dicky:]

I'm just pillow talking with a bitch, ayy

I'm just pillow talking with a bitch, ayy (Do you fuck with the war?)

I just finished spazzing on a bitch, ayy

Now I'm pillow talking with a bitch

[Lil Dicky (The Girl) {Brain}:]

{Brain gotta poop still

Please don't neglect the brain

Please don't neglect the brain}

[*doorbell rings*]

(Hold on, is that my Lyft?)

Nah, I got a pizza

Full pepperoni too

So, you're not gonna wanna be a part of it

{But first you should poop

Please don't neglect the brain}

Parental Advisory (Interlude) lyrics - Lil Dicky

"Actually, you know what..."

"I don't, I-I will say one thing. I'd rather you sleep in a hotel downtown than sleep at your friend's house. You need a good night's sleep."

"Ha, why?"

"Well, because you're gonna get up and perform, honey."

"Yeah, I mean..."

"You need, you just, I guess I just think you're underestimating..."

"I know you're gonna perform, you're gonna perform 3 shows in 4 nights."

"Yeah."

"You know, you don't wanna get sick. You don't wanna have a cold, you don't, you know. I'm trying not to be a Jewish mother, here, but I think you're really underestimating this."

"No, you guys are handling it, I'd say you're playing your role great as the, the Jewish parents of a rapper. I'm curious to hear the conversations that happen between other rappers and their parents, I think these are interesting."

"What do you mean by that, David?"

"What do you mean what do I mean by that?"

"When you say we're handling our role, you think we're being, uh, we're being sarcastic?"

"No, I-I enjoy it, I think it's funny. I'm just saying, like, I can't imagine, like, Puff Daddy or something talking to his mom and she's telling him, like, "You better get a good night's sleep, you can't catch a cold."

"I-I, you know what, actually, you're gonna laugh at me. I disagree with you, I think anybody's mother would do that."

"Ok."

"And when Puff Daddy was 25 years old and the night before he was performing, I'm sure somebody was telling him the same thing. That's what mothers do. Black, white, Indian, it doesn't matter who we are."

"I respect that, but Jewish mothers a little more."

"Yeah, Jewish mothers maybe a tad more."

Classic Male Pregame lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Nekisha-Michelle)

[Intro: Lil Dicky]

What's up, y'all?

It's your boy LD

A.K.A. The Original Pancake

I'm going the fuck out tonight

[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]

Off work, 'bout to get trashed

Me and my crew all about to get ass

Sam coming through with a bottle of the Cap

Me and Dean 'bout to tube, Mark taking out the trash

Clean up my room, bitches 'bout to peep that

Peeing, getting groomed, bitches 'bout to eat that

Dean shave my neck, thanks, man, I need that

Read through my text, then I itch my kneecap

Now I gotta play the game right with Liz

Top prospect, met the other night through Tinder

Eight o'clock so I think it's only right I hit her

With a "what you got on tap for the night?", delivered

While I wait Imma pick a shirt

Ain't nobody wearing plaid so I claim it first

Mark got a little sad cause his favorite shirt's plaid but fuck him

He knows I back off in a reverse

Now I'm taking a shot and we drinking and popping a bottle

And thinking of all the bitches we gon' haul in

Sam say I know a house party and it's popping

Bet Imma cop some weird head, Dennis Rodman

Oh, yeah, we plotting

[Chorus x2: Nekisha-Michelle]

This is a pregame

It's a pregame

A classic male pregame

Not a weekday

So this is when we take

Shots and we chasing alternate DJs

And that we pray cause

[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]

And we all get drunk

And we get dressed up

And we all buy gum

And we all gon' fuck

[Interlude: Lil Dicky]

Aye, pour me another shot, God damn it

I'm tryna get to a place where I can talk to these bitches

I got seven shots in me, three condoms on me and immeasurable hope

[Verse 2: Lil Dicky]

Ten O Clock, words getting slurred

Another shot, Sam's tryna hurry

Mark's not, says he isn't worried

He ain't tryna spend hella bread at the clurb

Call him out, "since when you using clurb, faggot"

Mark pouts, something like a herb rabbit

Dean smiles, we been doing work

Pretty turnt, think he blacked out

Lil Dicky burp loud

Peep phone, what the fuck, she ain't text back

Pretty close to considering a text back

Spilling Coke on my shirt that's a red flag

Now I gotta change, Mark knows put his best plaid on

We debating the top ten in the NBA

Disagreeing alot about Lamarcus A

Shawshank Redemption popped on, attention all on

Sam was like, "nah, the party called off"

I already got a Lyft, I'm going out to a bar

Then Mark pulled out a spliff, temptation very hard

You know I couldn't resist, we blazing, now the car here

[Chorus x2: Nekisha-Michelle]

[Hook 2: Lil Dicky]

And we get fucked up

And we all feel rushed

And our plans fall through

And we in bad moods

[Interlude: Lil Dicky]

Man, what time is it?

12:24? And the bars close at 2, lights on like 1:30

Let me just think for like a second

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky]

Sam like, "we gotta go, cause the car here"

Mark like, "I don't know, what's the bar deal?"

Dean like, "I'm on a roll in Guitar Hero"

Dicky looking like he about to choke on his lamb gyro

Sam looking let down, 'bout to go berserk

Mark put his sweats on, now he rolling purp

Dean blacked out, he ain't even on the earth

I was like, "Sam, I was with it with my other shirt"

Sam bounced, he's like, "fuck it, I'm out"

Me and Mark smoke a blunt, Dean stuck on the ground

Text Liz, "what the fuck?", even snuck in a frown

I get the spins high and drunk, I throw up in the shower

Now I'm jerking off inside a condom (I do that)

I text my ex say, "I miss you often" (true that)

Sam back, it's not even one yet, he a dumb mess

He about to be a problem

I ain't even tripping, I'm Tindering

All of a sudden I'm blinking, I'm squinting

It's saying it's six in the morning

I'm stinking, I'm still in the same shit from last night

Got a text from Mark saying:

"I ain't mad, but I know you’ll clean the bath, right?"

[Chorus x2: Nekisha-Michelle]

[Hook 3: Lil Dicky]

And we get too drunk

And we don't have fun

Then we eat too much

And the next day sucks

[Outro:]

Like, we really just wake up and spend far too much time shitting

So, the whole process just seems flawed

Thank you for your time

The Antagonist lyrics - Lil Dicky

Yeah

Ay, can y'all turn my headphones down? Significantly?

Cool, that's good

It was super loud

First of all, this shit about me

I ain't made this shit for y'all, that's the damn thing

I've been waiting pretty long to get on some shit and rip it for Dicky

So just consider this my damn theme song, baby

I've been working hella hard, though

There's people telling me I'm 'bout to be a star, bro

But when I play 'em some of this, they like nobody want the piss, Lil Dicky

You the funny kid, that's where your card go

That metaphor about my lane, if your retardo

I'm bubbling like I'm in a soda, word to Fargo

I'm tryna get the fucking fame and it's a tricky little game you gotta play

Sometimes you gotta tell your heart "No"

Here's the problem I've been having

I wanna make my favorite type of music

And the shit I like to bump is not the type I'm brewing

I be on that "Fuck the world, you motherfuckers losing" type of shit

Like all you haters, look at what the fuck I'm doing

All my favorite rappers not amusing

And I love my funny stuff, I hope it's not confusing

I'm just saying, when you doing something time consuming

Every now and then you wanna spaz

Why I didn't go with jazz, muhfucka

Get up in yo ass, muhfucka

Y'all are trash, ye ain't even know the half

I could rattle off a lot of opposition to rap game

But honestly I'm not in the position for that plane

To carry any weight, I just gotta carry on and wait

'Til a motherfucker carry all the weight

Hypothetically, though, I prolly tell you that I'm better than your every bro

I prolly tell you it's subjective, I'm more impressive

You pressing play, a form of respective

I'm guessing more or less it won't be competitive

Y'all adorable, seditive kind of rappers, so deplorably editive

Nothing's worse than when a moron's repetitive

I don't get it, how is everyone the same dude?

The rookie walking on the court like "Man, I can't lose"

They playing Dicky, everybody in the room be like "That's some shit"

Playing yo bum ass, they be like "That's some shit"

Y'all are bubbles with the rapping

Lil Dicky get it popping, you could say bubble rapping

The irony in all of this is I've been funny rapping

Yet the youngin's snapping to the point where all of y'all are funny rapping

Congratulations, y'all can write a hook

At my graduation, they was saying I could write a book

If a Rotten Tomatoes site existed for us rappers

I would be a 97, y'all would hover 'round a 64

Little Dicky spit that Pixar

Hope you seeing why I really like to spit hard

Only problem is I'm rapping at rappers

To the people that be listening, that world doesn't matter

Wanna know what the advantage of the rapper who black is?

The N-word isn't antagonist

Before you get all huff and puff about, think about it, be analyst

The fact they always use it's no accident

For example, I could be like "Go figure

I don't think I'm one to fuck with all you ho [?]"

Y'all can fill in the blank

That don't make it so you don't gotta rap it a rapper

That applies to every detractor

But even if I had a word like [?] disturbed

It's absurd but I'm looking 'round and ain't nobody verse me

I don't think a motherfucker's ever tried to hurt me

Every one I see has been supportive on this journey

Like where my haters at? I'm thirsty

I just really wanna talk my shit, be like "Y'all ain't shit"

But y'all ain't shit, like, y'all don't exist

I could talk about the people that are dicks but I feel like that's whack

That'll get old quick, Robin Williams in "Jack"

Who the fuck is my antagonist?

Is it you? Is it you?

If it's you, let me tell you something

You ain't even got a clue 'bout the shit that's coming

You don't wanna be the dude in five years like

"The fuck, I dissed that

Shit was pretty clear, how the fuck I missed that?"

You know that I ain't fucking light, bruh

I just fucked round and did this overnight, bruh

I just fucked around and quit a fucking job

where I was making triple digits then the comma got involved, dawg

This wasn't rapping or trapping

This was rapping over a big ol' fucking house with a family

Who the fuck is listening [?] but making Dicky so angry?

Is it you? Is it you?

I'm just waiting on some nonbelievers

The writing isn't on the wall, it's coming out your speakers

Anybody disagree, I'm being so facetious, homie I mean it

Forget the website, I'm the only motherfucking rap genius

Where you doubters at, I'm tryna hear it

Maybe it's the motherfuckers never paying mind to lyrics

I would dumb it down for y'all to try make it more appealing

But the ones who hang on every word think I'm kinda fearless

But even with no attention, you can kinda tell this motherfucker killing this section

You can kinda tell this motherfucker still an erection

But getting harder by the minute, just admit it, it's sexy

The funny fact about this shit, I gotta rap

about the fact I wanna rap about this shit to even rap about this shit

Nobody been sleeping on Dicky

It's only been a year and bitches been sleeping on Dicky

Nobody took over the tape with they first tape

This motherfucker hasn't struggled since the first grade

Add it up, there's no excuse to berserk, Dave

Can't debate this shit, you got to skip, you not on first tape

So what the fuck am I mad for?

What's some other shit that I could actually spaz for?

Maybe it's the fact that I've been stuck in this lab for

A hundred fucking days straight cooking up raps or

The fact this shit been taking over every thing in life

I gotta make it so I made the call to leave it all behind

That's my girl, that's my world, that's beyond being busy

Now the only one that gets to David Burd is Lil Dicky

See, I told you this about me

Go on and look up in the mirror, see with LD

Who you hate, boy?

Only care about me, said I'm straight, boy

Maybe I'm the one that gotta hit when I wanna murder shit

Y'all probably thinking "Who is David Burd?" and shit

Y'all just wanna hear some LD

But I ain't made this shit for y'all, that's the damn thing

The Antagonist II lyrics - Lil Dicky

Hi, I'm Dave

I'm Strange (no)

I've been up so long

Don't know where ill go don't know what I know I'm wrong

I must be gone (gone) I must be gone (gone)

I'll play my god

What you doing?

Like everything

Don't shoot down my pair of wings

Let me just smoke my Mary Jane

Ill just hold my marriage in

And that coin flip so damn american

Ever take a walk in the street

Sit up in the middle of the median

And they come and go and they come and go

And my shit been bumpin' my shit been dope

But I'm missing something I'm kissing hoes

And I'm missing something I'm switching rolls

And I'm pissed at something I'm drifting slow

I got zip files

And I know if I click them they gonna unlock

How do I know that though I wasn't taught

I guess that shit that you learn on the job

And my permanent fog is burning like smog

Look at your feet totally odd

What is a feat what is a job

Look at my teeth and they been moving a bit

So as of late I've got in my retainer but dawg

Sooner or later the pain is a problem

Only its not only its not

That mean its working I guess I'm like god

[Hook:]

I don't ever front out here for a minute (go crazy)

[?]

Oh my god oh my god

I can't even stop this song

Now the kid been getting bananas

He going Donkey Kong

(King of the ape shit)

He going Donkey Kong

(King of the ape shit)

I earned shit while he learned quick

Churned shit while he cursed this

And I turned around like I heard something

But i swear to god I ain't heard nothing

I second guessed you but escalated

Shit ready when I'm done renovating

Don't fuck with me on my escapade

Don't fuck with me on my escapade

And I met a boy on that mountain top

And he said to me go round the block

And I did that and I came back and he took back what I took back

I stood back while he took that

And I looked back while he looked at me

And that's when I knew I was on

Shouldn't be long

I keep it moving along

I keep on proving you wrong

I keep on doing the shit that you want me to do

It don't have to be public at all

It will be our little secrete

Unless you do songs about it

Hmm but why would you do that?

Well...

[Hook:]

I don't ever front out here for a minute (go crazy)

[?]

Oh my god oh my god

I can't even stop this song

Now the kid been getting bananas

He going Donkey Kong

(King of the ape shit)

He going Donkey Kong

(King of the ape shit)

Parents Still Don't Understand (Interlude) lyrics - Lil Dicky

"Oh, man."

"Got so much to do. Huh, honey?"

"Yes, definitely. I'm just..."

"Well, look, again, if you need mom to come out there for a week..."

"I don't think that [?] needing, like, mothering."

"No, no, not mothering. Organizing. Or doing, doing tasks."

"Yes, right."

"That's not, that's not..."

"Getting your plane tickets..."

"That's like, that's not..."

"Making sure that your clothes are, are, things that, no, just organization. Not mothering."

"I don't, I don't have to worry about that. Like, people handle that stuff."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"So how are you gonna get strippers in Boston and New York and Philadelphia..."

"The question is whether the clubs will allow it."

"Uh, I probably only would get strippers for Philadelphia."

"Well, you're breaking up again."

"I said, I probably would only get strippers for Philadelphia."

"But, but, a practical question in organization is, do they allow it?"

"Yeah..."

"Someone could research that for you. That's another detail."

"Yeah, why don't you take care of that detail for me? Figure out what venues allow strippers. Is that something you guys could handle or no?"

"No. Cause I don't know what venues... You would have to ask William Mars or whoever's booking this stuff to find out for you. We can't find that out."

"Well, if like I give you, if I give you the venue name and number, you guys could call."

"You could do that."

"I, yeah, I'll call."

"I'm kidding, I'm not gonna have you guys call a concert venue and have you guys ask if you could, if your son could have strippers at his show, that's ridiculous. I don't need you guys to do that. Of course. I can't believe you guys thought that."

"Well, what do you want us to do?"

"Nothing! Nothing, I'm joking around. I can't believe you're even entertaining this as like a thing you would do."

Work (Paid For That?) lyrics - Lil Dicky

My own boss

Work less

Man, she always taking the most

Conference room every day is the worst

"Can I see your work?"

I was zerked, I was search

Tryna figure out them alibis

"This your work?"

I was drinking with some black guys

Hey I done came up (sho' nuff)

Like, "May I see your work?"

I'm like oh, that's my boss, she a bitch

She know this

She looking at me every day

Like, Dave, where you going?

I'm looking back like, "Hoe

I hate your demanding"

To print some shit, but you don't even know

Now look what happened, now who rapping?

Now at work I ask to look at bitches' titties then this happens

Titties looking back at me like "Dicky, boy, what's cracking?"

I look back at titties like "I need a sec, I'm rapping"

Titties looking back at me like, "take your time, you snapping"

I'm like, "woo, I'm getting paid for that?"

[Hook:]

I'm getting paid for that?

Nah, I'm getting paid for that?

I'm getting paid for that?

Nah, I'm getting paid for that?

(All of these hoes been on me

I'll never go back homie)

Homie last week I was up in Miami

Got paid to chill in the club

Literally, chilling, like not even rapping

I think I did a good job

Sat down on Twitter, my new correspondence

Is going through all of these wonderful compliments

Used to be scrutinized in all these documents

Now when I sign off on something, it's body parts

Titty, booty, macking a cutie

Got a bag in the back of the room of the venue cause she copped that meet and greet

I got them going down in their prime like Aaliyah be

Used to post up, on time, no brakes

Got a purp poster on the vine, no grapes

Used to have to swallow all the pride

Had to piss out the slacks of the sack in the sweats every day

Used to buy brands, now the brands pay Dave

Like, I just got a box of Pumas, cause they think I'm cool

Watch me mention StarKist Tuna, watch my friends get full

I used to sit and wait for Friday

But now my whole week like a Friday

[Hook:]

I'm getting paid for that?

Nah, I'm getting paid for that?

I'm getting paid for that?

Nah, I'm getting paid for that?

(All of these hoes been on me

I'll never go back homie)

Last year I'm stuck up doing shit up in a cubicle

They tell me what to do, I'm thinking "fuck that shit"

But y'all, I couldn't tell them what the fuck I'm thinking

Now they're paying just to listen to this shit, I got up on my leg

Got three or four bitches who 'bout to get the fourth down

That's a first, I remember when what lunch I picked was all I get

My bitch make that coffee, now only boss me around when we fuck

Was missing college but now they bringing me back, it's still fun

God damn Dicky, you too old to be fucking all these kids

Yeah, I know, but if you can rap, it's a lot less creepy though

I'm smoking weed in public, but it never seem to matter

Dump a bottle of water on your clothes and you ecstatic

I don't ever have to set alarms, I wake up supernatural

I can grab a bitch's hand and she will scream "you so attractive"

How did this happen?

[Hook:]

I'm getting paid for that?

Nah, I'm getting paid for that?

I'm getting paid for that?

Nah, I'm getting paid for that?

(All of these hoes been on me

I'll never go back homie)

I used to be up in Excel every day with a bitch (very proficient)

Now I just suck on my dick, suck on my own dick, man

I suck on my own dick, every rapper do it

Just a thing, an inside thing I learned

It's absurd, it's like, I'm in the industry now, so, I'm seeing shit

Every rapper suck they own dick, it's not just me

Swear to God on the Bible

Truman lyrics - Lil Dicky

Hey, man... man

Hey... hey

I guess y'all on board

Young Man couldn't leave that shore

Had the life they made for him 'til he seeked out more

Boat rock, couldn't see that storm

Held it up, dawg

He know he close

It's too late to jump ship (Hey)

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!

You that motherfucker shit

I know

This here became a trip, Cabo

Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know

And you too (U2) must be rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono

It's like I hit the lotto

I had to hit the wall though

I couldn't see it for a minute

Shit was hidden, Waldo

They treat it like I'm goin' crazy

I'm just prayin', I don't

It's just I know

It's just I know

I saw the world like, "Hold up"

Damn near fakin' on the side

Let me take you on a ride

Let me tell you bout the one who couldn't take the 9 to 5

Use to take the 95 down to Richmond

Bumpin' Jigga up in the ride

Use to think along and drive

'Bout my drive

Used to wonder why

Used to wonder when the world'l see like I'm seein' mine

Use to whine

Use to wanna shine

Used to wanna dine

Used to talk to bitches in my mind when they were walkin' by

"Girl, what's happenin'? Girl what's happenin'?"

I ain't really 'bout to get involved that's what's happenin'

Errything I knew was unevolved like a Baptist

Layin' on my matress

Prayin' I could have this, and

Now when I get Tinder matches

They think they've been Catfished

Now I been controlling how we livin' like a facist

Now I got this weight up off my shoulders like a strapless

Remember this shit was hapless

Remember the day it happened

Aw, you the shit Dave, you be killin' everything you did

Got the whole world talkin' all about what you did

Got your old girl talkin' all about what you is

Got your old world lookin' like it's his you ain't here

I been fuckin' for the fuck of it

And one of the bitches I been fuckin' with

Been wondering how I can work this much and stomach it

She wonders what I want from it

I said, "We don't gotta get into it"

She like "Nah, just do it"

She a psychology student

She always followin' up

Find the guy to be amusing as fuck

Usually I'll answer her truthfully

But truthfully, I'm unusually used to being unusually good at internalizing when music is not provided

But I humor hoe

Ask her if she ever saw the Truman Show

She like yeah

I like well, when I saw that shit I was convinced I was livin' like Jim

A similar situation where I was the basis of everyone's entertainment

Like really up in the basement talkin to y'all

In the mirror because I thought Lil David was some American hero

I know it's selfish and all

But I just felt it's my call

I was a ten year old then

By 2010 I was wrong

I'm like

"Aw, damn! Aw, damn!

You the motherfucker though"

I know

That shit became a trip, Cabo

Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know

And you too (U2) must be rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono

It's like I hit the lotto

I had to hit the wall though

I couldn't see it for a minute

Shit was hidden, Waldo

They treat it like I'm goin' crazy

I'm just playin', I don't

It's just I know

It's just I know

Twenty three bars up in my apartment

I am debarred

Gotta do this shit

I gotta recharge

But I gotta be smart

Movin' up that ladder company

Star, fuck it, that ain't nothin'

I am *the* star

Spittin' like a retard

Work was like a prison

I'm just seein' bars

My boss was all up in my camp

And I'm just seein' Lars

I been a heavyweight, Muhammad Ali

And if he can mold that out of "Clay"

Then I can turn the Lil D

So now I'm snappin' like I'm Truman

But off and on

There's always somethin' in the way

I should be often gone

Girl I'm sorry if this draggin'

I just need you to imagine

Bein' stuck up on the land without a captain

When everyday is average

And everyday you feelin' like a captive

And feel like somethin' seriously lackin'

And then you fear what could happen if you just leave it on the table like napkins

But, yo, you really fearin' hitting them rappin's and leaving everything behind

Cause you don't know what that horizon brings

But girl you gotta know what kind of fish you is

Survival instinct kicked in

Sink or swim

I flipped a playlist

Quit my day gig

Now, I'm on a boat, Lonely Island

Irony, and you still been tryin' to figure how I work this tirelessly

But girl

This is everything I've thought

This for everything I've fought

This for who I am to me becomes to y'all

(Go)

They tellin' me "nah"

But I just be tellin' them "yeah" (Go)

I just be tellin' them "yeah" (Go)

I just be tellin' them "yeah"

Tell 'em I'm gone (Yeah)

I just pretend I ain't scared (Go)

Don't even know I was there (Go)

Don't even know if I care

Cause girl this is Truman approachin' the wall

Until I'm me I am nothin' at all

Until I'm free I will not see beyone

I had to be who I was all along

Ay [crash]

I think I mighta broke it down

Hoppin' on the fuckin' steps like ain't no around

Open up that door, you bet, ship ain't goin' down

Guess the only thing left is to take a bow

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!

You that motherfucker shit

I know

This ship became a trip, Cabo

Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know

And you too (U2) must be rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono

It's like I hit the lotto

I had to hit the wall though

I couldn't see it for a minute

Shit was hidden, Waldo

They treat it like I'm goin' crazy

I'm just prayin', I don't

It's just I know

It's just I know

(Just I know) Fuck! (Just I know (echo))

That felt good

Well, that's all I got

The show is over, as they say

Honestly, I just think that part in the Truman Show where his boat hits the wall is really the exact

Moment that I'm at in my own life right now

Uh... metaphorically, of course

And I'm ready for - I think I'm read for it

Like I've been thinkin' about it, I think I'm ready

I mean, if I'm being completely transparent with y'all

Uh, like my lifestyle hasn't really changed that much

Uh, you know, considering, uh, where I think I'm at musically

Like I'm still at the point right now where pretty much any bitch that tweets at me anything remotely flirtatious

I have seen not just one of your pictures, I have seen the entire catalog

That's the type of shit that's goin' down over here right now, so...

I am definitely ready for that, uh, next step, y'know what I'm sayin'?

I think it's close, too

I think it's close

Like, uh, Diddy tweeted about me

Uh, y'know, that... I don't know if he handles his own Twitter

I would assume he probably doesn't, actually

But, like, I'm so confident that I feel as though, like, me and Diddy will have a moment just about this outro

Like when we're both sittin' next to each other smokin' cigars

And bein' like, "Ay, remember when you said that shit on that outro?"

Like, and I'm like, "Yeah. That's, this is the exact moment I - I did that for, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

Bring the - bring the beat back up. I don't know why

Like, keep, loop everything. I wanna be talkin' for minutes, yeah, uh, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Like, uh, shout out my Macbook Pro

Had that shit since '09

I made my first song ever on it

Like, when I called myself Lil Dicky

I made my, like, fuckin' album song on that shit

And we survived, baby

Uh, shoutout Allen Iverson, Larry David, Will Smith, and Kobe Bryant

For makin' me the man that I am today

Both on and off the court

Shout out my mother

What a great woman

She's so mad I recorded these conversations

She - she honestly went crazy

It took so much convincing to allow this

But, she's awesome

She's adapting to the rap game, as we all are

Look, I just want to get this to a place where I can sell TMZ pictures of my actual asshole

Heh, y'know?

Cause, well, I, I think that'd be such a feat

If I could actually create, like, an alt alias

And sell TMZ pictures of my own asshole

Like, profit off of that

That, I would totally do it

I don't know why Seth Rogen's not already doing it

I don't, I'm seein' the signs that it's not, I'm

I think I'm seein' the signs

I hope I am

If I'm really just misreading all these signs

Then, I am 100% gonna have, like, a legitimate nervous breakdown

Uh, at some point very soon

So, we'll find out about that

But I see some signs

Like, like I really am not fuckin' that much

But, like, the other day I did fuck a bitch to music

Like, I fucked a bitch to some Miguel

And that's kind of new for me if I'm bein' real

Like, I had never actually done it before

But I was feelin' like I was some king shit

Y'know what I'm sayin'?

So, I was like, "Man, Imma fuck this bitch to some Miguel right now"

Uh, actually to be completely real to you, I, I will never fuck a girl to music again

I found the whole thing to feel, like, completely cliche

Like, I don't need my emotions dictated to me by, like, music

It makes me feel like I'm in a TV scene

Takes all the, like, realness out of the moment for me

Like, actually, was actually super weirded out by it

So, but still, like, I am about to let my hair down

And, I don't know, I just feel like it's all comin'

I feel like, like, I'm literally, like, about to find out about everything

And it's exciting

And, I, y'know, I, I had pinkeye last week

And I remember thinkin' that, as I, like, was like, real down

Cause I was, like, trying to keep recording and shit

But I was thinking, "What would Michael Jordan do?"

And he would play through the pinkeye

So that's why I'm in here

I'm still not fully recovered, y'know what I'm sayin'?

I, I'm definitely clearin' up

Like, it's totally on the upswing

But, I just want you know I did record this shit through pinkeye

Alright, I could talk for fuckin' years

Legitimate years

This is an outro to an out

You see how long I talk with outros to songs

But, goddamn

Look, I need to get out of here

I'm 'bout to go take a Khalifa

Rest up

That's right, I did invent that phrase just there

"Take a Khalifa"

Y'know what I'm sayin'?

I also invented "That's what she said"

But I get no credit for it

Uh, oh, shoutout to Dickheads, obviously

Fundin' this whole operation

Whatchu know about a Kickstarter, man?

Whatchu know about the best fans in the world?

Seriously

Thank you guys, I appreciate it

Honestly, you made my dreams come true, and that's fact

Couldn't have done this without y'all

Uh, I'd like to shoutout my dick

I know, y'know, we haven't had the smoothest relationship

But, I feel as though by kind of putting our issues out there

Like, we have become something bigger than we could have become otherwise

And, hopefully soon you will be rewarded for your patience

And I will be rewarded for my patience

I, and, I respect you

I'd like to shoutout my brain

My brain got the hardest verse on the whole goddamn album

I hope my brain starts gettin' some feature looks

But he don't just hop on shit

Fuck, I, I got nothin' left

I'm out

I'm a professional rapper

Long live LD

And in case I don't see ya

"Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight."