Sports lyrics - Lil Dicky

Shots in the club like plaxico

I'm in the corner, hot like Placido's

And dicky fuckin flow nuts pistachio

And like Shelvin, I know how to mack a ho

I got girls on ma penis

Flow is the meanest

Not Gilbert, but I'm sellin out arenas

Do it all day A peterson

Because I'm tryna get paid like Revis did

I met a French bitch, big lips, and she got a body

Told her put that ass on moi like nnamdi

Fight like rocky, white like Roddy

Hoosier Daddy all knight like Booby

Hot box ride, I can barely see

You know I keep ma car melo like Anthony

Got bigger blunts than legarrete, smoke outta Taurus

Put Mar kief in dat philly like Morris

Anybody better better than me, good try

I'm the best like Jahvid, but I'm not lion

Not even a tyson... no ear biting

Ma pockets fat with green, so Rex Ryan

I ball for the bucks like Luc Richard Mbah a Moute,

But I'm a fuckin superstar

And if they ask LD where he wanna live

Then I'm a tell 'em where markakis like Nick.

I'm tryna get a little Kevin Love

And then I see a bad bitch starin up in the club

She got an ass so sweet like a cinnabun

I bet dat bitch a giant freak like Lincecum

And so I go and approach her

We kick it like Stover

End of the night, I'm a ownher, hova

Liquor make a bitch feel raunchy, horny

So I'm getting big shots, Chauncey, horry

Took her back at ma Eddie House

And this fine ass bitch takin off her blouse

And then ma D Rose quicka than a bull at the garden

Dick like James from the way that it Harden

My name ain't Charles, but I pack wood son

Ma dick ain't Gretzky, but it's still a good one.

She want that juice I ain't talkin bout OJ

It's more like Mayo, something like OJ

Okay, now her clothes are off

And I can see her C pierced like her name was Paul

I couldn't care less, went down feelin the flavor

It was hairless, something like Villanueva

Ma Rod Smart, so He Hate Me

When I don't cover him up with a safety

But I coordinate that D, so I planned protection

Had a Magnum Rolle like louisania tech did

Put a condom on ma Ryan Braun

Ma Hebrew hammer, then we got it on

I was playin with a boobie, Cavalier

We even made a couple movies, Shaq O'Neil

She had a real big cat, Andres Gallaraga pussy

But I hit it hard, Troy Polamalu on that pussy

No acting but she had a big O Oscar

No PED's little Dicky ballin proper let's go.

Too High lyrics - Lil Dicky

[Intro:]

Wassup, wassup y'all

L-D aka Young Dick

Had to make a track about smoking weed, man

Every rapper got a track about smoking weed so I didn't really have a choice

But, I guess I made mine a little bit different is all

It's like, it's like, it's like

[Verse 1:]

Blowin something sticky word to pre-cum dicks

I'm with ma team in this bitch, and we all getting lit

I mean the weed hella loud, like a teenage chick

And we been smoking for a minute, yeah we blowin on that ganja

And now I'm huffin and puffin, I'm choking on that bong

And the dope I'm on is bomb I'm smoking that Vietcong

Getting real high

Watching funny videos of bill nye

Tell me that this jam isn't still fly -

Bill nye theme song

Now I'm getting hungry than a muthafucka

Put some chicken nuggets in the oven at 400

Whered I put that honey mustard

Lookin all around the cupboard for that muthafucka

Until I discovered a custard, I covered with butter from last week.

How long do them thangs keep?

Guess I better ask jeeves

Go get ma computer but I'm staring at the damn screen

Damn D, you forgetting what ya task be

The puff puff pass, gotcha gassed

Now ya man is fucked...

[Chorus:]

And I was tryna get a little buzz, so I took a little puff

But I think I'm way too high

And I ain't wanna come off like a bitch, so I took another hit

But I think ma brains too fried

And yeah I'm fuckin faded but I hate it

I'm praying that I make it

Afraid I'm goin to dieeeee

I'm too blazed, it's too late

To save Dicky from this fuckin place, cause he too high

[Verse 2:]

Now I'm freakin out up in this bitch

Can't control it and ma homies passin round another spliff

So I bolted to the BR

Consulted with the mirror

Lil Dicky please step up, you pathetic

Cause the weed in you beating you

Then all a sudden I'm on the toilet beating ma penis blue

But I ain't cummin because as I'm imagining fucking something

That pretty girl I'm humping

Becoming my fuckin cousin, or mother or brother

Or some other fucking disgusting person

Ma brain is bein strange, cause I'm high as a plane

I ain't deranged, I'm just saying it's a violent strain

So I go back to the back where they packing up cigars

Dipping snacks, kicking back, staring at some Avatars

Then I flipped, took a decade and a half to make that shit

Yet they couldn't put a second and a half up in that script

How the fuck a human being wanna fuck a

Blueish green 7' 3'' tail having ass thing

Man I'm high as fuckkkk

[Chorus:]

And I was tryna get a little buzz, so I took a little puff

But I think I'm way too high

And I ain't wanna come off like a bitch, so I took another hit

But I think ma brains too fried

And yeah I'm fuckin faded but I hate it

I'm praying that I make it

Afraid I'm goin to dieeeee

I'm too blazed, it's too late

To save Dicky from this fuckin place, cause he too high

[Verse 3:]

Rock hard cock, cause I'm watching katy Perry

In her video the whole world's made of candy

Damn... I ain't even got no candy

So now at the fucking c store

Where ya man be torn than a mafucka

Peanut eminems or a twix

Can't commit, so I count the benefits on ma hands

Goddamn now I'm weary of the man - yeah the cashier

Homeland, Nazir!

S-s-s-so damn tweaked I can't even cross the mothafuckin street

Gotta wait until that muthafucka's green

Now I'm back up at the crib, and I'm laughin at giraffes long necks

Gotta shit, but the path to the bathroom is complex

Crafted a long text, took about an hour

Took a scary shower, now I'm sitting naked on the ground

Man I'm fucked up. I'm bout to call ma mom up and tell her what's up.

This sucks I'm high as fuck.

[Chorus:]

And I was tryna get a little buzz, so I took a little puff

But I think I'm way too high

And I ain't wanna come off like a bitch, so I took another hit

But I think ma brains too fried

And yeah I'm fuckin faded but I hate it

I'm praying that I make it

Afraid I'm goin to dieeeee

I'm too blazed, it's too late

To save Dicky from this fuckin place, cause he too high

Club Night lyrics - Lil Dicky

[Verse 1:]

Friday fucking night

We bout to do this right

Dicky rollin to the club, he about to find his wife

Cause he fresher than a kid that called his mom a fuckin ho

Bunch a bitches getting low

Pimpin you already know

I'm bout to get up on the flo and then bring chicken to ma crib

Getting drunk up in this muthafucka, fuck you think this is?

Then I see a bad bitch with a booty and a half

I make a move on that cutie, excuse me do you wanna dance

Then she looked at me and laughed

Like I didn't have a chance

Like I shouldn't even asked

So I proceeded to get trashed

And I'm at the bar now, and it's so loud

But I'm takin shots, and I'm throwin down

And I see a pretty lady, so I send her some of that cold brown

And she turned around, and then turned it down

Because in her words, she don't like to flirt with clowns

And I'm alone and pouting, overcrowded, I need to get up out this club

[Chorus:]

I been inside this club for way too long

I wanna leave and eat calzones

None of these females wanna bone

Ma self esteem is all but gone

[Verse 2:]

Bout to quit, but I'm bitter I paid that cover

So I guess I gotta stay in this stupid club a bit longer

And I'm sweating like a jew in a multicultural sauna

They been playing fuckin dubstep for ten consecutive songs

And then I bumped into a guy

He was roughly 6 foot 5

Pretty sure it was his fault, but I apologized

Pretty sure you know the type, probly bankin every night

Vodka sprite, lookin round to find a kike that he can fight

Or suckerpunch, I'm kinda drunk, and I been in the club for way too long

Now I'm up in the corner, all alone, ESPN up on ma phone

Ma self esteem is so depleted, such a mess, I'm overheated

I regretfully just tweeted some depressing shit, I need to leave this club

[Chorus:]

I been inside this club for way too long

I wanna leave and eat calzones

None of these females wanna bone

Ma self esteem is all but gone

[Verse 3:]

Is this really for the bathroom, are you kidding?

This the type of line where people squeeze they dick to prevent pissing

When I get inside the stall it's like a yeti had been shitting

And there's piss all on the ground, so as I'm wizzing I keep slipping

Fuck this hand stamp

Club is really damn cramped

Fuck it, I'm a suck it up and take another damn chance

Ughh, here goes nothing (c'mon D)

Ay girlie, what's the word

At first glance I may look like a nerd

But if you let me, bet D, get thee, all up in the bed so wet like a mafuckan jetski

Real rap if you tryna go, then put your name right here up inside ma phone

She took bait, no way, typing out her home, she pressed save,

Walked away, and her name was no?

[Chorus:]

I been inside this club for way too long

I wanna leave and eat calzones

None of these females wanna bone

Ma self esteem is all but gone

Grimy As A Gooch lyrics - Lil Dicky

[Verse 1:]

Iont fuck around

I been getting down

Not afraid to eat some triscuits up off the ground

5 second rule?

I'm on that 5 year

A lotta guys fear what I got in my ears (wax)

If I ain't pissin then you know I'm shittin bricks

Do it sick, when I finish homie I ain't washin shit

Shaved dick, shave with, same shit, face get

Bitches sittin on ma pillows and they butt naked

Lickin grease off of that pizza

And these mafuckas prolly want a paper towel

Errybody know that I rape toenails

When I pick, then I flick em on the straight up ground now

Ain't shit to a mafuckan balla

Mo grit than a mafuckan dolla

Come back from ballin, you gotta smell sack

Yea it's that appalling

And Ion't ever wash ma feet

When I'm in the shower, they be hard to reach

When I'm getting down, goin out on the weekend

I'm asleep before I brush my teeth

I'm a goddamn G tho

Mo grime than Ed Reed's pee hole

Mo grime than Ronaldhino

These other rappers can't deny it

[Chorus:]

Cause I don't even act like a thug

But I'm cold enough

I ain't moving crack, holdin guns

But there's more than one dimension to a balla

You can find ya boy around the way

Being scummy and fucking grubby you know I'm tryna say

That I'm grimy as a gooch

Grimy grimy as a gooch (swag)

Grimy as a gooch

Grimy grimy as a gooch (swag)

It take a slimy muthafucka to be grimy as a grundle

So you in trouble, if you attempt to try to be as gutter as the kid

[Verse 2:]

Eating wings

Beating off

Dick stings from the muthufuckan hot sauce (swagga)

Came nuts... no tp

Lazy so I rub it on the damn sheets

Ya man D on that reggie evans shit

Boogie pickin, boogie flickin, hella belly button lint

Fuck a bitch, and I'm wetter than a muthafuckin swish

Yeah I'm sweating more than CC bases loaded, bottom 6

I'm eating mixed nuts with my mouth wide open

At bar a bar where them house flies float

Iont give a fuck if it flush if I must urinate

Not a place up in the house I wouldn't go

I sink piss, and I sniff clothes

Nastier than Kimbo

And I lick snow

When it's yellow

And I sleep at the hotel on

That old blanket that yo mamma used to never let you touch

I just don't give a fuck, I'm nasty like the nut of johnny kruk

I do the dutch oven to maself

Fuckin with the way it smells

So if someone sicker well then tell me

[Chorus:]

Cause I don't even act like a thug

But I'm cold enough

I ain't moving crack, holdin guns

But there's more than one dimension to a balla

You can find ya boy around the way

Being scummy and fucking grubby you know I'm tryna say

That I'm grimy as a gooch

Grimy grimy as a gooch (swag)

Grimy as a gooch

Grimy grimy as a gooch (swag)

It take a slimy muthafucka to be grimy as a grundle

So you in trouble, if you attempt to try to be as gutter as the kid

Bars lyrics - Lil Dicky

What it do

Was 22 up in the room

Thinkin bout a way that I could make a move

Make a boom

Debated to move to LA

To make it in movies

But traded the pool shade and gravitated to music

Now I'm spittin the hottest shit

It don't matter the competition

Is sadder than a bladder that be lackin a pot to piss in

It's actually kinda sicknin

The rap is beyond horrific

Admit it bruh, waka flaka flame is somehow respected?

The game has gotta change, used to listen to jay

Up on the train, now they floodin the waves with 2 chainz

I feel like I separate with ma lines like 2 lanes

It's a dark knight when the joker's better than them banes

Of the rap game, all of 'em rap lame,

They claimin all em ballin, well then all of em sac kings

At least they in the league tho

I can't even cop a fuckin peacoat

That's why I'm aiming outside the box, like it's a free throw

The weed smoke fuckin the air up

Got this mothafucka snackin more than Miggy Cabrera

Got dis mafucka rappin some crack and yappin about it on his cell phone

Tell holmes this is the track, that I got ma swell on

And I spit that shit so fast sometimes I need to slow it down

All these bitches up in the crib, it's like ma home a pound

Tell me I ain't hold it down

Spittin ridiculous, ticklin bitches

Up into they britches, and rip em like tickets

And fastballs, lookin at a cutie on the dance flo

I visualize that booty with the pants off

Had a little dance off

And I ain't had no shot it was the ass fault

Cause shawty body arguably hotter than august asphault

They claimin they great, man these rappers straight lebroning

I'm layin in wait, to smack the fuck up out dat spalding

I'm hatin every song, they celebratin poppin dom

But I be takin shots a brandy like a kobe at the prom pic

Bomb shit, ya'll should see ma muthafuckin blonde bitch

The bombs on dat body shawty just gotta be Islamic

I twist and I turn her on till she wet like she a faucet

No rapper give you more a set... isn't it ironic?

Because I'm seein these labels

Pumpin out the horseshit, got me callin em stables

Pumpin out the tours quick, but they ain't makin hits

Ain't nobody great as this

White boy killin brothers on that cane and abel tipppp

Tri tip steak, up on a plate, I'm on a date

With a dime bitch, nibbling cake

But nevermind that

Someone tell me where the fuck the rhymes at

I was bumpin nas in his prime and you gonn sign that?

Oh well, guess I'm better than they'll ever be

I could do it serious but they prefer the levity

I ain't really hearin nuffin

Say I ain't the man

I'm layin in sand, zero spf for the tan

But now I'm back in this muthafucka, spit hotta than a flame throw

Waitin to hear em call on ma name like rap a game show

Tell me this is lame,

Though I know that is bogus

Gotta focus

Be the dopest

With the most set of quotes, and the grossest

When I flow sick, and the hope is

Notice is right around the corner, my time to shine

Is almost aligned, something like a quarter to nine

If I could have a quarter for the metaphors in my rhymes

I'd only have a couple dollas so I'm stickin with dimes, ya know?

They getting off like a train stop

I'm lookin at ma dick like how the fuck do you stay rock

No southern carolina, how you got so much game cock

Cause you movin that vagina in the dark like a stage prop

It's all good

I'm making this the outro

I had to fuckin spit, this is what I'm about bro

And you know what it is, holla back up at the kid Slim Boner

So damn hard, this shit is over

Lil Dicky other songs:

 

Ally's Song lyrics - Lil Dicky

 (from "Dave" soundtrack)

Oh, woah woah oh woah

I fucked the whole thing up, I did it all backwards

Now I'm all alone with my rap verse

I can barely share a password

I said we'd dance, I left you there

You left me there too

You had my back, I puked on you

I chased my dream so much it ran

I can't make jokes without your laugh, it seems

I'd do anything to melt you, I took you for granted

I'll give you belly rubs too, did you like the rabbit?

It's killing me to kill you, and you were the magic

But I fucked the whole thing up, I did it all backwards

Now I'm all alone with my rap verse

You were the best at my worst, and I miss you ally, hoot-hoot

I'm lost without you, hoot-hoot

Baby lyrics - Lil Dicky

 (from "Dave" soundtrack)

Hey, good morning, baby

You need some java, baby?

We got to wake up, baby

Last night was really crazy

I think I liked it, baby

Damn, you smooth, baby

Looking like you moisturize, baby

Tell me where to buy it, baby

I'm dry, I need the product, baby

Got my hand on navel

Then she slid her panties to the ankle

Made me back up and look at the bussy

Bussy glistening like a heavyweight

You wanna fuck me, baby?

Haven't showered in a minute, girl

But if you with it, then I'm with it, baby

I will shower you with every curl

Are you freaky, baby?

Spooning me like I was soup

Want me to be dirty like a goose?

Ooh, but what do you like, baby?

Do you want me to choke you, baby?

She said, "That's okay, baby"

"That's okay" as in you want that?

Or "That's okay" as in "No thanks, baby"?

She look at me crazy

I said, I don't mean to complicate it (no, no)

Let me grab a condom, baby

I put it on, then she, then she

Throws it back, give me the ass, pop it

Tickle the breast, nibble the crack, stop it

General Custer with the tactics, I'm a demon

I could feel the semen creeping 'round the penis

Being a man in there

We need a ambulance

Pussy getting killed

She orgasming, body spasming

Then I finally finish, can you feel it, baby?

Sliding off, where's the condom, whoa!

Well, it's not on my penis, baby

It's so confusing, baby

Uh, did I-

Did I just fuck you raw, baby?

Uh, I'm looking 'round and I don't see it, baby

I move the blanket, move the covers

Where's the rubber, baby?

Now she digging like a caveman in her bussy for it

Even if you find it in there, what's the difference, baby?

Semen probably already leaking in there, swimming in you

She said she still don't want no condoms sitting in her insides

I said, I understand, but there are bigger fish to fry

She said, "You blaming me, but you the one that put it on"

I am not blaming you and I don't think I put it on wrong

I put it on my pinky first to see which way it go

Because I'm well aware that condoms aren't reversible

She screamed, "I found it, baby!"

She pulled it out her bussy

But I can't celebrate it, cause we got bigger fishy

Girl, I ejaculated, and I don't see it in there

She said, it's fine, she'll just take the morning-after pill

Oh, oh!

Thank God for the tech now

We should probably go and get it now

This is life when you're young and wild

Could I B Jesus lyrics - Lil Dicky (with Brain)

 [Lil Dicky:]

Yuh

Just saying yuh sounds like you're jocking Drake

So annoying

Illa, illa, illa, illa, L

Yuh, yuh

I used to go out to the Y, Friday nights

On the outskirts of Philly

I'm dropping dimes to this night

In the outskirts you feel me?

And I done been saving my good shit up

Old bitches now, yeah they would get up

Winklevoss twins, yeah I could get fucked

Chinese food, yeah I could get duck (uh)

[Brain:]

Brain give a fuck 'bout an old bitch

Brain give a fuck 'bout dat hoe

Brain got head on the snowlift

Brain cold ipso facto

Brain go in', I'm ballin' (ooh)

Brain go in', I'm ballin'

[Lil Dicky:]

One, two time for the sixers

If this bitch get off on the wrong foot

Put her on the bench for a lil Ben Simmons

[?] could ride wood like Jah, doe

Still gotta lick gelato

Feel like I hit the lotto

[Brain:]

Brain never bag a proper

Brain fucked Aunt Jemimah

[Lil Dicky:]

I don't get head on the freeway

That is forbidden like ebay

She playing with Jimmy like D Wade

She wanna stop at the B.K

We don't go out, she a cheap date

I'm straight to the ass like a cheesecake

We run this shit back like a replay

Mutual orgasm, we came

[Brain:]

Wait, could I be Jesus?

Wait, could I be Jesus?

Hey, could I be Jesus? (no way, no way, no way)

Hey, could I be Jesus?

Wait, could I be Jesus?

Holy like Jesus

I might be Christ

[Brain:]

Oh, my word

Oh, my God

I was overweight today but now I'm a model

I don't eat the pussy for free

Touchy, I get pussy, I be fucking these streets

[Lil Dicky:]

Ichiar deli my P got a nut out the purple like jelly

I'm buzzin', buzzin' like a left behind celly

My DM x-rated like critics, the belly

I got the coldest cuts around like a deli (ah)

Used to be in love with Aliyah

Used to be in love with Daria

Shit on these rappers like diarrhea

[Brain:]

Brain with the dope like a mob boss

Chapo Chapo Chapo Brain

Stay with the peace like Gandhi

Blocka blocka, know what I'm sayin'? (yah) Brain like Mike, like Shad Moss

Brain like, might like shamone

Brain might fuck your bitch

When he done, might ask your ex for a ride home

[Lil Dicky:]

Rollin' up the bud, rollin' up the club, rollin' up the work

Pourin' up the Bud, blowin' up the drug

Leavin' out the back, damn this work

Haven't thrown a punch in about five years

Last time I did I broke my wrist

On my friend Glen's butt

Damn, that sucked

Had to jerk off with the left hand

(But you learned your lesson!)

Ain't nobody in my category

I'm inventive with I'm with it like it's Scattergories

I was over-doubted, now I'm overcrowded

But I'm extroverted, don't you ever doubt it

Gotta lot of money, but I never count it

Competition fun, but they ain't never 'bout it

I was searching for it but I never found it

Like an Oreo up in a power outage

(Let's go!)

[Brain:]

Wait, could I be Jesus?

Wait, could I be Jesus?

Hey, could I be Jesus? (no way, no way, no way)

Hey, could I be Jesus?

Wait, could I be Jesus?

Holy like Jesus

I'm like the cross

Oh, man

Hope I'm not Jesus

But I also wanna get sucked

Brain

Dave lyrics - Lil Dicky

 Sometimes I feel like people only see me as this larger than life icon but I'm just a normal guy

Hi (Hello), I'm Dave

You might know me as Lil Dicky

But there's a lot more to me

Don't you wanna know who I am? (Not Really)

Do you wanna meet the guy behind the guy?

Do you wanna know what the industry's like?

What a strange life I have

Got me tripping like woah woah

"Dave ,you're a rapper?" Oh no

Bowel movements looking like Dippin' Dots

Probably 'cause I don't eat fruits and vegetables

Approached by aggressive white men on the regular

I gotta record with a neck pillow on my neck 'cause the organomics of my desk ain't right

My nose gets stuffed every night

I'm figgity, I'm figgity I twitch

I'm figgity, I'm v neurotic

Yes I know that I'm a rapper at the end of the day

But I think it's time you knew me by my government name

Hi, I'm Dave (I'm Lil Dicky)

Hi, I'm Dave (Who's Dave?)

Hi, I'm Dave (Please watch, please)

I'm Lil Dicky, no shut up, I am Dave

(Please watch)