Professional Rapper lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Snoop Dogg)

[Spoken:]

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my name's Dave Burd. I have an appointment today.

It's probably under 'Lil Dicky,' actually. I'm a... I'm a rapper, so..."

"Ok, and who are you here to see?"

"Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here "Snoop D-o-g-g"

"Oh, yeah. He's right down the hall. First door to your right. Give him a knock and he should be right with you"

"Thanks. It's uh, this door right here, right?"

"Mm-hmm"

"Thank you"

[Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg:]

Grab a seat

Thanks I'm Dave very nice to meet

Dave, what it do? You can call me Dogg

Let me just check your sheet

No problem, sir, let me just say

I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make

I can't lie, I been thinking about this all day

All good, there's a reason that we called, Dave

Let me start with your background

Where you come from?

Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond

Before that

Oh, you talking bout my hometown?

Yeah

I was born out of Philly grew up in a little silly old town called Cheltenham

It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around

So real shit you ain't never had to struggle for much

I wouldn't say it like that, we just had a different kind of trap

Elaborate

Well I ain't never had a tool, but I had to be the man at school

Like I was doing shit I had to do so when I finished undergrad, I'm cool and I can get whatever job I wanted

But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumping

Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that be coming when you grow up like that

When you been racing them rats, you ain't been making them raps

Boo hoo what a hardship

How you paid to get the rap shit started?

Man, my Bar Mitzvah money

But don't diss me buddy, I wasn't one of them younguns up on the block who had nothing to lose

I must've wanted this a lot, I had something to choose

Look at that, I can say there's something to prove up in your ass

Yeah, I guess

That's enough of the past, what makes you want to do rap?

Oh my God, it's the best

Bitches let me draw up on their breasts

Literally I can reinvent myself

I get a forum to project myself

It's never boring, every morning I wake up and try to best myself

I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself

It's kinda healthy

Cool, now let me put you through a couple hypotheticals

Sure

In a club and a couple niggas threaten you

Uh, I wouldn't do shit

And I don't even get what that got to do with this?

Shut the fuck up, rap's like life

If you wanna do this, then you won't get far acting like a little bitch

Nah, that's my niche

Don't get offended by this, but that's the market y'all missed

That's the target I'll hit

And that's the heart of my pitch

I wanna do this whole thing different

What the fuck you mean you wanna do the whole thing different?

Uh, you know, I-I think, like, you know

Traditionally people have been doing the job the same kind of way for a long time

But traditionally speaking, this shit works, right?

Nah, like, I get that, but I-I just think that, you know

You don't know if it could be working even better

And I think you should look at me as an opportunity to find that out

I don't mean any disrespect by that

I'm just saying I have a different background

Like a different perspective way of looking at things than your typical applicant

[Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg:]

So what are your biggest strengths?

Well my flow is crazy, I can switch that amazing

For example, I can be like ain't nobody fucking with Lil Dicky

When he get up on that shit and spit it sick and ridiculous

Ripping this shit like it's never been did and the rhythm is never predictable

Cause I can switch it, deliver this shit in whatever cadence you bitches prefer

Alright, alright, I get it

Top of that, lyrically I'm pretty damn clever (Go)

Got a long bottom bitch, call the hoe Neville (Whoa)

And I blow it from the jump, Derrick Rose knee (Oh)

You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better

And y'all been winning like Pistorius, there's no feet

Bro, I can go on and on

I'm taking over and they mad like father in laws

OK enough of the punchline, that ain't showing me you different from the other guys

Well I don't know if they can run it like that

But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap

What's that?

Well I can tell a story about my morning

Watching Boy meets World and jerking off to Topanga Lawrence

Like the 14 year old Topanga

Oh this shit like a joke to you?

I don't get it

Nah it ain't like that I just happen to be a nutty abundantly funny type of individual

Like it's a guy

So when I get up on the mic I ain't finna just lie

Real recognize real, right?

Yeah, I guess

So what you trying to do?

Five years from now, tell me bout the dude

Well, I don't care about the money

Like, it's the respect that I'm wanting

Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats

Where they gotta bring your boy up every debate

I don't wanna leave the game the same

In a nutshell, what's your legacy?

Well, I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand up rap

With the random rap and the man like that for the people that was anti-rap

Yet, the fans of rap start to recognize that anti-rap

Is ironically one of the real brands of rap left

That shit sound pretty damn complex

I guess, I wanna be the best

I just wanna do it my way

And turn the whole game sideways

And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway

You can make a path while these motherfuckers drive straight

I ain't mad at that

Well thanks, man, that's my plan of my attack

Just let me in and I'm a rap the plaques

And I ain't about to win them back to back

I'm bout to win them like it's back to back to back to back to back

Til I stop rapping

You ain't even sold a damn album yet

True

That's a lot of talk from a wiley vet

Let alone a young rook nigga

You misread me

Nah this ain't a book nigga

Well that's one of my flaws, I'm too competitive dawg

No, you just fucking repetitive dawg

I get it, you trying to be better than all

But you ain't shit until cheddars involved

I get that I gotta prove myself

No shit you ain't done shit

But think about that though

Only doing this a couple of years

One tape and I'm like this?

This shit is aight for your first shit

But you don't know if it's your worst shit

You don't think finding out would be worth it?

It might be, it might not

But I'm a put your ass to work, kid

Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?

Well one more thing, let me see if you could put a hook together

What would you do for the hook for this song?

You want me to make a hook up right now?

Do I look like the type of nigga that like repeating himself?

Alright, uh, okay

Man do the hook

I'm bout to be professional

Homie, I'm professional

Uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?

Nigga, that shit is garbage man

Well, you know, I feel like there might have been some upside to it

But I'm not good at thinking of things on the spot like that

Don't y'all normally like outsource for that kind of thing sometimes?

Sometimes, but you know, that was some next level Dogg shit right there

Yeah, you know, I'm just way better when I get to think things through

Have my like that dual screen action that type of thing

Whatever man, you trying to smoke a blunt?

Right now?

Yeah

Sure

[Lil Dicky, Snoop Dogg & (Juanita):]

Dope. Juanita, bring some weed in here, please. Thank you

(You got it, Snoop. I'll be right there.)

Thanks, Juanita. Super nice woman

Nigga, why does everything you say sound so soft?

Uh, I really don't wanna be spoken to like that, so

Whatever. Thanks

(Hey, I got y'all y'all weed.)

Damn, that's some great looking weed. It's just so early

(Can I get you guys anything else while I'm here? Coffee? Tea? Head? Bottled water?)

D-Did you just say head?

(Yeah. You ain't never got no head before?)

I mean... Just feels like... A lot, right now

(Ok.)

But what kind of tea do you guys have?

(We got mint, raspberry, earl grey, english breakfast...)

Actually, I'll take head

(I knew your little dirty ass wanted some head.)

Who Knew lyrics - Lil Dicky

LD

A.k.a the Time Traveler's Wife

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]

I like to play it cool like I'm not that

On the low, who'd assume that I got that

I don't know, but the dude with the tall frappe

Looking all aloof being all that

Even Babe Ruth wouldn't call that

I don't even sweat it though

They been hesitant as if my credit low

And shit'll hit them quicker than an edible

I'm 'bout to run for Senate ho, you ain't even centerfold

Been on top of cheese, I ain't talking 'bout oregano

I'm talking 'bout your cheddar homie, revel in that

I'll hit a college and I'm fucked, like I'm pledging a frat

They 'bout to silhouette my nuts on American flags

Estoy contento, muy estupendo

Better hearse word to rent-a-car, Dicky Tony K

Y'all the Le Batard speaking to you lames, that's a seminar

I'm straight like a pleasant bar, ain't nobody ready for my repertoire

I wasn't getting credit like a debit card

But never mind, had to give them time to adapt

I'm kind of like a rap rendition of a fry in a wrap

Just try it as that

You rappers Rebel Wilson's vagina, you stank!

I take it back, I don't know that ho

And bro they used to

[Hook:]

Look around the boy, wouldn't raised they head

Now they looking at the boy like the main event

He don't even got a rap sheet, looking like a mathlete

How the fuck is he the one that come in with the crack

We like "Who knew, who knew?"

Used to look at me like "who you, who you?"

Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"

Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?

Now they look at me like

I am hip-hop Heisenberg

Young boy got dough for a quiet nerd

I am rap game Walter White

You might get killed thinking that he all polite

[Verse 2 - Lil Dicky:]

Buzz around the city, coming out of Philly

I'm about to get a milli, being me that's word to milli

I'm looking super silly, but cooking like at Chili's

You look at me like "Really?" but I look at you like "Who that?"

Oh you new here, I'm the bomb

Ok I'm Lebron, ok I'm the one

Ok all that shit confusing that's a quandry

What you call a pussy with a movement, that's a Ghandi

I'm tryna get better but science preventing

Because I'm undeniably clever, the highest of levels

I'm high in a sweater but rhyming like I'm lying in pepper

Don't mind the endeavor, I bet I do better than veterans

Cheddaring, let him on Letterman

Get him on L and I'm on, boy

I think I need a therapist the way I get in my dome

Doing D like they was Syracuse, when they up in they zone

Used to load it on chrome, now I really ball

Living like a fucking letter man, never mailing the song

Though the dime flow rubbing combos in Tom's shoes

With blonde hoes getting Peyton like the Broncos

I'm on ho, vanilla looking but the rest of y'all the John Does

It's pretty odd bro, cause they used to

[Hook:]

Look around the boy, wouldn't raised they head

Now they looking at the boy like the main event

He don't even got a rap sheet, looking like a mathlete

How the fuck is he the one that come in with the crack

We like "Who knew, who knew?"

Used to look at me like "who you, who you?"

Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"

Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?

Now they look at me like

I am hip-hop Heisenberg

Young boy got dough for a quiet nerd

I am rap game Walter White

You might get killed thinking that he all polite

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

("Who knew, who knew?"

Used to look at me like "Who you, who you? ")

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

(Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"

Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?)

Get up off my dick, ho

That's an unassuming dick, though

Lemme Freak lyrics - Lil Dicky

Drunk, faded, browned out, looking all shady

Two months since I fucked a lady, young man dick going crazy

Standard Saturday, I'm about to get a cab and masturbate

Then I see a hot girl, look back at Dave

Lemme get your cat girl, no Hathaway

That's what I thought not what I said to her

Instead I walk up to her, like "I know you heard of the kid

You heard what I did, you heard of my shit, the murderous spit."

She's like, "Naw, you're being weird, what are you talking about?"

I'm like, "Aw..."

Pulling out my phone, like a boss, YouTube 'bout to get her off

But as I type the y-o-u, some porno pop up

I'm like, "Hold up, how did, that's not even me

Like, I don't jerk off mobily..."

Then her friends coming up

And wanna know if everything is okay

I'm like, "Naw, this a rape, you can't tell?

Gimme a break, please. Get the heck away."

I turned to her, "Let me buy you a drink," she like, "Fine."

Told the man, "Two Patron," she like, "Lime."

Said he tried twice, the card got declined

I'm like, "All ri-, is this a, could it be a machine issue?

He was like, "Naw,"

I was like, "Obviously there's something wrong

I got dough, like I'm not broke...

I got donuts with the same card like about an hour ago."

He like, "Dude, I don't know."

Now I'm looking at the girl she just wanna go

And I ain't talking 'bout with me, bro, I mean alone

I got one more chance to prove myself, so I'm like

"Look, I'm athletic, girl, I've gotten several Rec League MVP's

At my crib I've got some pizza, plus a little bit of weed

In my room I've got a TV, plus I recently did sheets

Girl, I even have a fridge that has the water on the door

Like with the crushed ice"

You know I don't give a damn what your plan right now

This is me coming at you as a man right now

Lemme freak, lemme freak, God dammit, lemme freak

Just lemme freak, please God, just lemme freak

The girl from the first verse, somehow let me fuck

Fast forward, seven months, we in love

Some real serious relationship type shit

Despite this, I ain't fucked for days

Tried last night, but was pushed away

But I've been acting well behaved today, I smell okay

Adele Pandora's playing, now she laying

On the floor and I'm praying this bitch is horny

I go and give her a smooch

She kissing Dicky back, so I play with her boobs

Bad move, she don't like that

Bad mood, her boss being mean to her

Via email, she wanna write back

I'm like, "Right now?"

She like, "Yeah, what do I say, can you just help me?"

"Oh, okay, what's the context?"

Then she like, "Well, he talks to Jane before coming to me."

"Who's Jane again?" I said, she like, "Wow, you should know that..."

"Okay, I guess I forgot," she like, "Dude, that's my other boss."

"Okay, true, so shouldn't your first boss

Go to the other boss, before you? Right?"

"But Jane isn't hands on!" she yelled

"Okay, well I just don't understand the dynamic then

I don't work with these people." She started crying

"Wait stop, what the fuck is this?"

"Naw, you don't ever take my side."

About an hour later til' I'm on her good side

We in bed, hands on her good thighs

I try to kiss, she like, "Good night" but I'm like

"Look, I just turned off The Departed for a movie 'bout a bee

I've been cutting back on farting, tweeting, arguing and weed

Yesterday I wore a cardigan at dinner with your sweet

And supportive aunt during the fourth quarter, of the Eagles

Now reward it.."

You know I don't give a damn what your plan right now

This is me coming at you as a man right now

Lemme freak, lemme freak, God dammit, lemme freak

Just lemme freak, please God, just lemme freak

Fast forward some more, June sixteenth, twenty seventy four

Old LD looking old as fuck, still with the same ho, holding up

But my life sucks, legs hurt, friends dead, real terse

My dick looking like it's tinfoil

Her tits looking like they hard boiled eggs

On top of that, she insane

Like, I don't even think she knows who I am

Our kids moved away, we've been doing the same shit for days

Maybe months, who knows, probably going to die soon

Pretty scared, I ain't even gonna lie to you

Think about it all day, on my last legs

But I'm going out with a bang

I got pills they invented back in fifty seven

I took five, that's a bit excessive

I look high, take a look at my thighs

And good god that's a little erection, it'll work though

Now I've gotta find the ho, I'm pretty much blind at this point

I don't know if I mentioned that yet, but I am

Made my way into the bedroom and there she is, I'm like

"Look, I don't know if you're aware that

You've been throwing out my shoes

What I do know is, I'm sick of doing nothing here with you

All my blood is in my dick, I'm probably dying pretty soon

Are you even comprehending what I'm saying

Please acknowledge that you hear me..."

You know I don't give a damn what your plan right now

This is me coming at you as a man right now

Lemme freak, lemme freak, God dammit, lemme freak

Just lemme freak, please God, just lemme freak

White Crime lyrics - Lil Dicky

Lot of rappers talking that shit, not enough doing that shit

Y’know I’m sayin’? Yeah

[Verse 1:]

People acting like I ain’t a fucking criminal

Like I ain’t never doing dirt though

Probably cause the way I’m doing shit is clinical

But I’ve been putting in some work, breh

I see you looking at me cynical, stop looking at me

I ain’t fucking with your smirk ho

We’ve been doing shit, despicable

But we just keep it on a low, for example

Walk in to the movie with my pants full

Twix, bag of chips, plus a Snapple

Stealing all the shampoos, from the hotel’s pretty bathrooms

Cheating, I’ve been peekin’ in the classroom

Looking like a nice guy, ‘til I take your motherfucking Wi-Fi

And torrent every single song in my library

Then I drive by very fucking high by everybody

While my lady licking my five inch dick

[Hook:]

White crime

White crime

Yeah, we ‘bout that

Do a lot of dirt, never doubt that

Lot of rap twerps, let it shout crap

Let it make their mouth flat

When it come to burd, no, we spout facts

You 'gon learn what I’m 'bout, breh

[Verse 2:]

Doing business at the airport

Ask security, I ain’t fraught

Lot of shit up in my JanSport

Six ounce of the face wash (the limit three)

My duffle bigger than what can board

My shuffle on during take-off

Will I help in an emergency? Yeah, sure

Exit row, fingers straight crossed

Thinking Dave’s soft

But I know you see me J-walking

Piss in public, no caution

Halloween bucket? Take one, fuck you thinkin’ Dave was

Give me all your motherfucking chocolate, ho

At the stop sign, never fully stopping though

Filling water cups up, with a lot of coke

Egging homes, motherfucker, a lot of yolk

Not alone up in this motherfucker, a lot of folks, been doing…

[Hook]

[Verse 3:]

Even though the speeding limit sixty five

I’m doing seventy five without a seat belt on

And I’ve been texting, driving reckless

I was seventeen when I first tried a Guiness on the tennis team

We used to haze a lot of freshmen

Lil Dicky put a hoop up in the street

Without obtaining permission

From the city, and every Christmas day

I’m going to cinemas with single tickets to single flicks

But go to additional pictures, sorry, but your boy is malicious

And back when I was eighteen, statutory raping

This little ho, even though we was dating

And if I am taking public transportation

On the quiet train I might have a conversation

Fuck it I’m the man

Puitting trash up in some other people’s cans though

At the work fridge, stealing can coke

And up at the holiday party, I’m grinding colleagues on the dance floor

Dick been rubbing against their assholes, say it’s not…

[Hook]

Molly lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic at the Disco)

[Spoken:]

Yeah. Man, this is the softest thing I ever did.

But... it's about something that's pretty important to me...

And that's you

And that's true

I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,

But I do

What do I do when the rap-life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like,

Being broke up even though we had life.

Fuck it, I don't even know what I could have done

Looking back thinking, "That's what I should've done."

Wanted you back

But when the fact is I always put you second to rap

I'm not mad that you wouldn't come.

And even though I had to move, I ain't move on

Really wish you was a boo I could prove wrong.

But she knows what I'mma do with the new songs

And she know them pretty soon when your dude on

Running the rap game, with that lane.

Always got to be up on that train, or that plane

Ain't nobody wanna feel that pain, or that strain

Wishing I ain't gotta get that fame

Or I'd claim you, know I'd give you my last name.

But that blame on me

Chasing something, feeling dumb 'cause you all I need.

Hope you wait until I'm done and I'm all free,

But you know I'm never knowing when that's gonna be

And I'm sorry.

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow,

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

And that's you

And that's true

I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,

But I do

What do I do when the rap-life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like,

Being broke up even though we had life.

When I'm being dumb and stupid

Who the fuck is gonna hit me with the motherfucking jerk face?

Who's gonna let me know to hit my mother on her birthday?

Who's gonna let me know when I be shopping if a shirt's gay?

And when I'm on the road I be missing that.

Always looking at my phone, you would give me crap.

Ever since I've been alone I've been thinking back

Listening to you auto-tune in my mic phone making us laugh.

You know the past was a blast but it never could last.

Pretty sad when your love got a separate path

Used to read when there's nothing to do

But it's funny

Doing nothing's never nothing when it's something with you.

You know I wanna still talk, even text and call

Whenever something going on I be pressing "Moll"

Up in the phone til I press the X

Stressed the next one'll best the ex,

And you'll forget, but it's best.

You the best to me girl, always bake me something

And when they ripped off, you replaced my buttons.

But don't be pissed off if I hate your husband,

'cause even when I can't say, "Love you,"

I love you

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow,

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

And that's you

And that's true

I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,

But I do

What do I do when the rap-life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like,

Being broke up even though we had life.

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow,

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

Bruh... lyrics - Lil Dicky

Bruh...

Bruh...

LD

Bruh

A.K.A. stem cells

Everybody know the cat like a dope meme

I got em' buzzing off the crack like a dope fiend

They saw em' come up with a Mac yeah I'm so Steve

Nowadays bitches tryna crack got 'em ODing

Like how them hoes want to get it with L

They know it's cold enough to charge like a letterman sale

If they gon' stand behind the bars I'm in federal jail

I'm going far like a general mail

On that note I got the fellas saying what up, the tape what up

The same mothafucker playing with his steak cut up

I'm great, shut up, the flowing no debate just us

I'm out of shape but I'm straight to fuck

Yeah you know I got a chicken in the condo

I was sick of getting off beat she a bongo

Now she playing with the hard D being Rondo

Drunk and go inside her all sweet like a Strongbow

How I'm'a do?

I got your ex coming next like a W do

I gotta flex, I'm the best, now I'm being direct

I'm unimpressed by these bitches that I see in the press

I'm kinda vexed by the trash like I'm cleaning a mess

Cus they as real when they rap as a Chias a pet

They old news stocks plummet! Men's leg hair they ain't cut it!

Forget about your era, Pat Summitt

Finesse writtens

I wanna get a hundred bitches and fuck with the spitting

Religious like a couple of post-marital Christians

I've been official, Dick Bevetta a living

You better dig it like you bitches got a mill in the ditch

I'm killing this shit I been kicking like a villainous ninja

My shit is gripping when I run it how the fuck I be slippin

I be intimate with them hoes, she never flummoxed

I take chick, pee and smash, I call it hummus

And I be funny with this shit, I'm just playing

But still nobody fucking with the kid I'm just saying

Ah! Got a chicken parm on the date it seem

But I don't even know the broad, she just grating the cheese

I don't even got a job I just blaze and free

But still they give a boy bands, 98 degrees

So come fuck with me

I got a couple hundred bitches doing drugs with me

And I got a couple dozen bitches tryna hug Dicky

And I got a couple bitches who be steady fucking me

Hey, that's a good ass life

Only thing I got left find a good ass wife

But yo I gotta hit these hoes first, don't tell Mom

But in a year I'm'a bend over Michelle Obama

Bruh you know I gotta do it while I'm hot

I'm tryna get blew in most states like Barack

I'm tryna show a boo the last name of the Rock

And put her on D till we O, J Watt

I never hit the scene when I do I'm high and wasted

I'm fucking with them jeans love them bitches high waisted

I run around your team, you a player but I'm Naismith

And I Command V, while you copy I just paste it, face it

Hotel got 'em puffing on the L, going harder than some hell

You ain't knew it

If everybody had to tell the truth and you had to pick a dude

Spitting better than your dude: can't do it

Telling me damn you got bitches, damn you got hoes

Damn you got money, but damn I got flow

Damn you got riches, damn you got clothes

Damn you got honeys but damn I got soul

Hold up. This shit I'm making's always tight it's like a yoga store

They all up in the other boat it's why I'm overboard

I'm taking time to do it right it's like a soda pour

Cus we ain't loving all you bitches like we spoken for

I been packing the band-wagon, the man cracking

The man packing the stands, had them clapping they hands

Tagging they ‘grams, Manhattan was ham

Slapping the fans, playing havin' the plan

Fans rapping the jams, sagging my pants

You see the type of shit I do on the track?

Hot shit like I poop in the jacket

Won't mack your bitch but yo I'm bout to come and mack your clique

Your whole friend group fucking with Dick (no hetero)

I yawn when I hear these motherfuckers on the radio

They ball all retarded Cuba Gooding up in Radio

I long for the moment I can say that's not debatable

I'm past that, I wonder who appreciate it like a Snapchat

Aflac, duck the dude, I'm going hard for the grind but I tuck this move

I made war with the rhymes, motherfuck your crew

These bitches going Adolf, tryna fuck this Jew

I'm too nice like a motherfucker that fell in love with a boo

Twice as in double as fuckable as he was

And dude tries to be subtle and get her cuddling

Venting her troubles and getting her truffles and ending up

Befuddled when she don't fuck him and someone tell him listen

You bugging she never fucking a pedestrian muggle like you

So why all the trouble but he rebuttal with

I think I just love her so I would shudder at the thought

Of being anything other than nice

(I’m that nice)

Heat bang like I caught a body/Port-A-Potty

It wasn't even deep dang shit is still a hobby

It's too bad bitches sleeping on me threesome

Cus now these bitches want to help but he don't need none

I'm all time like the Wall at the Bank

You've no shot like you drawing a blank

Honestly you probably couldn't hang man

I've been drawing a blank

Giving you lines while you sitting there and drawing a blank

So go in the rink, chilling like it's dough in the bank

And I’m flowing danker than a grower in Napa

Growing the stankest cannabis

Doing rap and pro-est smacking the hoe-est rappers

And showing the total package like my flaccid is growing fatter

Samoan cracker dapper rapper had to keep goin

Yeah that rap is a rap I know you rappers napping don't know it

There’s a dagger pita pappa-tapping on the window

It’s a real accurate metaphor of what you having in store

And I be snapping I mean I be splashing on the

Pane me your rain, fallin

Quicker than Aladdin for his dame

Are you better than me?

Bruh

Hannibal Interlude lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Hannibal Buress)

[Lil Dicky:]

And now a message from Hannibal Buress

Blaa, uh, sorry, sorry

And now a message from Hannibal Buress

[Hannibal Buress:]

Aye, mane, I'm fucking with this shit. It's good to listen to a professional rapper for once, but Lil Dicky is a horrible rap name. That's some weird shit; you got grown men having to call you Lil Dicky in the streets like "Aye, what's up Lil Dicky. Bars man, you be spittin' bars". That's real inconsiderate for you to make that your rap name and it's probably - Is that the worst rap name? I saw a dude named Hogman, The Intruder, no, I just made that up, but it's it's not the worst rap name I've heard at all, man

Here's some tips if you rappers wanna be more professional:

First of all, stop rappin' over your own vocals at your concert. Clear your goddamn instrumental and rap over it, I don't wanna hear you rappin' over your raps, muthafuckas. Also, stop have thirty five people on stage - who are these people?! Are you travelin' with these people or did you hire them locally? Did you pay for their travel? Get all of those muthafuckas off of the stage. It's confusing. I don't like it. You can't do that at other jobs. You can't be an accountant like "Hey I'm about to do your taxes, here's my thirty friends just standin' around doing nothing while I do your taxes"; fuck outta here

Also, stop talkin' 'bout the same shit. I don't think you have a fresh take on havin' money. I'm tired of hearing about it, I don't, I don't think it's interesting. These muthafuckas need to mix it up. I think I've heard every perspective on havin' money or I used to have money and I oh I got money, I didn't have money, I got more money than you'll ever get, I never thought I would get all this money, I had money now I'm getting more money. Stop getting soo many chains. You don't need that many chains - you only need one chain. Or if you're 2 Chainz, you can have two chains, but not more than that

$Ave Dat Money lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Fetty Wap & Rich Homie Quan)

[Intro:]

LD, AKA The Independent Variable

Trap God, and we servin' up the whole world

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]

Rap game got it all wrong

We ain't 'bout to go and spend money just to flex on them

We ain't really got it like y'all (Yeah, baby!)

I'm a type of motherfucker that'll check the check

Do the math, I ain't never gettin' robbed

Those margaritas not goin' on my card

I ain't 'bout to split a damn thing for convenience sake

I'm at the restaurant workin' that waitress

Hold up

You ain't heard of Lil Dave, Yung L, The Jew Biz Major?

Fuck you know about the world he was raised in?

I've been savin' money since a motherfucker thirteen

I wear the same pair of jeans everyday

Free sandwiches, homie, two stamps away

Book flight December but I leave in May

Drugs are generic but still work the same

I get logins for Netflix from my cousin Greg

Thanks Greg!

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 2 - Rich Homie Quan:]

All of my luggage is Louie V, I swear to God, nigga

All of my bitches be scared of me, I put that rod in 'em

All of them bitches actin' thoughtless, I disregard 'em

All of them bitches actin' holy, ain't got no God in 'em

I can teach a lil nigga somethin', like a preacher

I can take his ass church fresh as hell, no Easter

I can make his ass burp like a baby without no hiccup

I can...

[Interlude:]

Quan what's this have to do with saving money though?

You know a full verse would have been too expensive anyways

I think

[Verse 3 - Lil Dicky:]

I ain't parkin' that unless the meter green, homie

Hair cut several months in-between, homie

Hit the motherfuckin' lights when I leave, homie

Single ply TP ass bleed

Air B&B the mother fucker, least I'm never there

I'm not in Cali, why the fuck my company in Delaware?

Happy hour takin' out the chicken, I don't even care

That applies to both dating and wings

Peep matinees phone bill got the motherfuckin' fam on it

401k rollin' over bands on it

Coppin' sweaters in the summer with the sale on it

The fuck you rappers bragging bout? You overpay for it

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 4 - Lil Dicky:]

I ain't never hit a bar with a cover

Low thread count, hard with the covers

Free trial memberships though

I never join the shiz though

Fuck you think this is though?

Frequent flying like a motherfucking finch though

General Tso, half a dozen on the stick

Just so I can whet the appetite of dick

What you talkin' about?

My AC never doing nothing, blow fans

Walgreens card shoppin' all the off brands

Boy go hard when collecting, got Venmo

Save every motherfuckin' roach, tryna smoke

Check the clothes in my drawers, I ain't playin' around

It's LD, lil boy, Mr. Hand-me-down

Dirty drawers gettin' worn, can you blame me now?

You think I got $4.50 up in quarters on me well I fucking don't!

[Hook - Fetty Wap:]

Ay, where the gold at, baby?

Ay, where the clothes at, baby?

Ay, where the dough at, baby?

In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)

Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)

Ay, we gon' save that money

What we do? We gon' save that money

[Bridge - Fetty Wap:]

Every time these niggas tryna play

And lately I've been stackin' up crazy

Stackin' up all about the bands baby

800k underneath the bed baby

[Outro - Lil Dicky:]

If you at a restaurant and got an iced coffee

And the waiter been refillin' that without a word of caution

And you get your fuckin' bill and you can see 'em double chargin'

For the coffee and you told 'em there's a problem

Sing along like

Oh don't double charge for me for that

Don't double charge me, we like

Oh don't double charge for me for that

Don't do it to yourself

Cause I might just ask what the ice cube's worth

What the ice cube's worth

That's the only differentiator making this a non-free perk

And I might make work more difficult for you than it need be

So think about it take a minute let it breathe B

But think about it bruh you saw me get the burger with the bacon on the side

After looking at the price of the side of just bacon

And comparing it to the what the difference in the cheeseburger

Vs. the bacon cheeseburger was and making my decision

I would hate to be the waiter trying to tell me something different

I'm a get on Yelp in a minute and review

This piece of shit place like only a kyke know how

Unless you take the extra coffee off I might get loud unless you...

Oh, it was just an accident?

You didn't even mean that [snicker]

You didn't... that was... that's... I'm so embarrassed

Oh Well lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. Jace of Two-9)

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well, I'm ignorant

But not to the fact that I'm ignorant, of course

I know that, I'm indifferent

I don't care to know what I don't

I don't care 'til I'm coming home

And my dad tell me some shit about when he my age, he was doing shit

Protesting about something that I forget currently

But that's not the point, the point is

To my pot, the boy is in the crowd devoid of giving a fuck

I would call his bluff but I've been thinking 'bout it

And shit, he ain't wrong, though

I don't vote but I think I did at prom, though

I don't know about a world if it's not home

I don't even know the first thing about what Obama do

I'm better off telling y'all what Lebron been doing

I don't even know what my mom been doing

I hit her up every Sunday

And we talk, but the call's going one way

In the dark, if it's not what I'm doing

Never been aware from the start, but I knew it

I don't even care how my tech work

If the shit work, put it there, turn it on, we can do it

Funny thing is I could look it all up today

Constructive way to buck behavior Dave hate

And placate the debate within my brain waves

But the shows I watch all start at 8 so

[Hook 1 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well

It's the season finale, so...

Oh well

I kind of have to watch live, people are gonna tweet about it

Oh well

But I'm aware of all this stuff, I'll figure it out

Oh well

[Verse 2 - Lil Dicky:]

I do care when my phone's dying

Like, when that shit's red and I can't text

And I can't check what my fans said

I get mad stressed

Laying in the bed but I can't rest

Till my gram checked, wish I cared less

Leave it at the crib, I'm a damn mess

I should stop for a day, wanna try that shit

Drifting away, I wanna ride that ship

Dinner on the table but I'm unable to be tasteful

Underneath, I'm a like that pic

Watching the show on a phone, filming Coachella on phones

Hoping I capture the moment so I could post it

Don't live in the moment, hoping I'm still in control

But I'm praying I'm not alone

All the fans say I'm great at talking to 'em

They don't even understand I am not the man

I just can't go a day with being alone

When I'm with friends, though, why the fuck am I still on my phone?

Wishing I could look this shit up on Chrome

Wishing I could take a second to stop and reflect it

But someone just texted me

[Hook 2 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well

It's actually like an important text

Oh well

I'm trying to solve, like, logistical issues

Oh well

It's time sensitive is what I'm trying to say

Oh well

[Verse 3 - Jace:]

I was gonna do a line, but I sneezed

I was gonna smoke, but I need weed

I just wanna roll up and then leave

But everyone keeps on talking to me

Like "How's Mike Will? You know Rae Sremm?

I like "No Type" but I really hate them"

Like I asked for your opinion when I barely even know what day it is

I'm passed through and through on loans and my rent

But I just bought new J's and shit

Going way fast on a one way road with the window down tryna wave at them

My mom says I should go back to classes

But I'm in the strip club and I'm clapping asses

And my bitch look like Jacqueline Onassis

But she lies a lot and can't kick the habit

I've tried to stop giving passes to those who front it cause that's living backwards

And they give two cents when I ain't even ask them

Treat them like exams and I need to pass them

I'm twitching dutches, I don't do the backwoods

But this gas station don't carry those

And I'm tryna smoke, man, how traffic

Here's a 20 and some change, man, you can have it like

No

[Hook 3 - Lil Dicky:]

Oh well

Oh well

Oh well

Personality lyrics - Lil Dicky (feat. T Pain)

We ain't ever been the mother

Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort

Just to show them that we better

Get the broads like that

It's how we do it!

Hey bitches

Uh, I know I can be a little bit much sometimes

But really I just do that shit for the fellas

You know, I rap for the fellas

But like, this is for y'all

I ain't even strong like that

So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect

Maybe you go for it

I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't never been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

Honestly I'm like a seven with my hair long

Maybe seven and a half facial hair strong

But I make these bitches laugh and I care for them

I'm the type of motherfucker pulling out the chair for them

I ain't ever been the g at the bar

That get them bitches hella wet just by seeing his arms

You know the boy about the leg work

I plant seeds, I'm a mexicano gardener

All I'm saying is I ain't playing the game with these bitches

I ain't mean to em, I prefer to show them everything that I can mean to them

Lil Dicky thrive with a friend of a friend and I never hesitate to tell them that I love Rent

I am not a stud I'm a boyfriend

I love love and I cuddle for enjoyment

My dick small but I'm telling you it's nothing by the time

That we fucking they so emotionally interested they really be cumming

Drinking champagne oh you trying to dance babe

We can hit the floor I'm bout to show you how to man shake

We can make a handshake

Keep you safe and walk you to your damn place

Then I got you bouncing on my rubber like a trampoline

What you doing tomorrow? I'm with it

I'm a take you to the zoo and be cordialant witty

I'm a tell you hella stories and be mindful

Bet you get a little horny like the infant rhinos

I ain't even strong like that

So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect

Maybe you go for it

I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't never been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't never been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been the mother

Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort

Just to show them that we better

Get the broads like that

It's how we do it!

When I get your gchat, that's a wrap hoe

Smoke weed, eat the pussy like a snack hoe

Bake lays, you on top like a wrap though

Bet you think I'm nice in person I ain't talking rap shows

I ain't gonna pick you up at the club

But if I get bout an hour with you, bet you in love

I'll ask questions

Oh you did your hair? Little Dicky pay attention

Oh you getting scared? What's the root of all this tension

You know I'd be a hell of a date and if you torn I will split the entrees that you crave

And when you bored I can send you Snapchats for days

And make them personally for you like they all will be based around the inside jokes we develop in time

And if you tired won't initiate the sex it's fine

I can talk you on the phone when you driving alone

And make you feel comfortable enough to take me to mom

And that bitch goin' love it

She goin' tell your ass you legit yo a hubby

She goin' tell your ass need to quit your clubbing and go get that youngun

While I'm sitting with your dad being slick straight grubbing

I can take you out to brunch call me hollandaise

Know exactly what you want every holiday

I can text you like a motherfucker

Wordy and impressive 57 on the Ketchup

Hit you when you coming through

I ain't even strong like that

So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect

Maybe you go for it

I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't ever been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been ballers

But we getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been the mother

Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort

Just to show them that we better

Get the broads like that

It's how we do it!

Lil Dicky...

T-Pain... We goin' get them hoes one day man

We goin' places

Like... together?

Not on a date, but we're goin' places (oh OK)

For instance, I saw this nice looking young lady that I was attracted to sexually in the grocery part of Target.

And I wanted to put my penis in her vagina, but I didn't tell her. And that, my friends, is the definition of a motherfucking gentleman!